WEBVTT 1 00:00:10.924 --> 00:00:17.650 guess what i'm moving country again i don't know maybe a year maybe more where's 2 00:00:17.651 --> 00:00:29.806 the phone comes everywhere i'm an expat hi it's pauline from ut expats and today i meet with tracy who is a relocation coach and somatic 3 00:00:30.132 --> 00:00:32.553 practitioner here to help you make your own home, 4 00:00:33.255 --> 00:00:35.717 both in your body and abroad. 5 00:00:35.839 --> 00:00:41.940 So she is currently based in New York and has relocated six times across the globe. 6 00:00:42.487 --> 00:00:45.589 So we're going to be discussing the emotional side of living abroad, 7 00:00:45.706 --> 00:00:49.331 but also all the identity shifts that come with it. 8 00:00:49.893 --> 00:00:50.034 Hi, 9 00:00:50.065 --> 00:00:50.346 Tracy, 10 00:00:50.424 --> 00:00:50.831 how are you? 11 00:00:51.440 --> 00:00:51.628 Hi, 12 00:00:51.768 --> 00:00:52.206 Pauline, 13 00:00:52.268 --> 00:00:53.018 I'm doing well. 14 00:00:53.221 --> 00:00:54.581 Thank you for inviting me. 15 00:00:55.284 --> 00:00:55.424 Well, 16 00:00:55.456 --> 00:00:56.424 great to have you. 17 00:00:56.565 --> 00:00:58.737 I'm excited to learn more about that. 18 00:00:59.680 --> 00:01:16.783 building your own home or feeling at home within your body but also abroad definitely a topic for all the expats of course um before we start on all those topics i'll let you introduce yourself and we'll kick off with uh abroad in the first place yeah 19 00:01:16.830 --> 00:01:26.252 of course um so my name is tracy i'm currently living in new york city and i'm originally from a small town in northeast china called fushun 20 00:01:26.828 --> 00:01:28.951 And I left there when I was 16 years old. 21 00:01:29.131 --> 00:01:31.311 And since then, 22 00:01:31.353 --> 00:01:33.154 I lived in six cities around the world. 23 00:01:33.533 --> 00:01:35.420 And some of those moves were planned, 24 00:01:35.693 --> 00:01:39.498 but most of them were actually sparked by an unexpected opportunity. 25 00:01:39.662 --> 00:01:41.061 So opportunity to show up. 26 00:01:41.303 --> 00:01:42.740 And then I said, 27 00:01:42.779 --> 00:01:46.045 let me try it for three months and see what happens. 28 00:01:46.592 --> 00:01:48.576 And now after 22 years, 29 00:01:49.217 --> 00:01:52.061 I've made myself homes in places all over the world. 30 00:01:52.107 --> 00:01:54.857 So today I help other people to do the same too. 31 00:01:55.472 --> 00:01:58.976 build a sense of home in their body no matter where life is taking them. 32 00:01:59.736 --> 00:02:01.197 Nice. 33 00:02:01.198 --> 00:02:01.376 Well, 34 00:02:01.619 --> 00:02:08.525 talk us through that very first opportunity that came up and how you decided to seize it. 35 00:02:08.587 --> 00:02:11.329 What triggered that once? 36 00:02:11.369 --> 00:02:12.189 Because 16, 37 00:02:12.283 --> 00:02:14.533 that's super young to leave. 38 00:02:15.517 --> 00:02:15.673 One, 39 00:02:15.767 --> 00:02:16.251 leave home, 40 00:02:16.329 --> 00:02:18.517 leave your parents and to go abroad. 41 00:02:19.376 --> 00:02:19.517 Yeah, 42 00:02:19.595 --> 00:02:22.283 so that opportunity just show up at that time. 43 00:02:22.696 --> 00:02:27.320 I was about to finish my middle school and then my dad just saw this news online. 44 00:02:27.703 --> 00:02:29.742 So one of the top high school in Shanghai, 45 00:02:29.824 --> 00:02:33.390 they were opening enrollment for students from other states. 46 00:02:33.984 --> 00:02:34.672 But at that time, 47 00:02:34.687 --> 00:02:38.633 they were only selecting like 90 students out of 5000 applicants. 48 00:02:38.765 --> 00:02:40.281 So we didn't have much hope. 49 00:02:40.390 --> 00:02:41.937 We never thought we would get in. 50 00:02:42.390 --> 00:02:44.640 But I think I just got really lucky at that time. 51 00:02:44.672 --> 00:02:45.015 Eventually, 52 00:02:45.062 --> 00:02:46.140 I got that opportunity. 53 00:02:47.094 --> 00:02:47.937 But people around me, 54 00:02:47.938 --> 00:02:49.000 they were so worried. 55 00:02:49.276 --> 00:02:49.796 They were like, 56 00:02:50.296 --> 00:02:53.618 you're only 16 and you have to take a 57 00:02:54.138 --> 00:02:57.677 29-hour train to a completely different city where you don't know anyone. 58 00:02:58.138 --> 00:02:59.318 How are you going to do that? 59 00:02:59.435 --> 00:03:00.982 And especially a lot of people say, 60 00:03:01.060 --> 00:03:01.216 oh, 61 00:03:01.521 --> 00:03:02.458 you're an introvert. 62 00:03:02.857 --> 00:03:04.739 Maybe it's hard to meet friends. 63 00:03:05.060 --> 00:03:05.857 And I know that. 64 00:03:06.325 --> 00:03:06.857 So deep down, 65 00:03:06.935 --> 00:03:08.841 I know even though I'm an introvert, 66 00:03:08.935 --> 00:03:09.982 but as an introvert, 67 00:03:10.044 --> 00:03:11.794 we also have our own strengths. 68 00:03:11.966 --> 00:03:15.075 I think my strength is my resilience. 69 00:03:15.169 --> 00:03:16.904 So it's the ability to cope with. 70 00:03:17.284 --> 00:03:19.087 new environment and also courage, 71 00:03:19.667 --> 00:03:21.110 I'm willing to take risks. 72 00:03:21.129 --> 00:03:28.297 I think the resilience and courage are the qualities anyone can develop no matter whether you are an introvert or extrovert. 73 00:03:28.352 --> 00:03:31.977 So those are the things that really helped me get through those difficult times. 74 00:03:33.743 --> 00:03:34.102 Okay, 75 00:03:34.243 --> 00:03:35.837 so you made that move to Shanghai. 76 00:03:36.258 --> 00:03:39.993 Was it a boarding school then? 77 00:03:41.321 --> 00:03:41.555 Yes, 78 00:03:41.602 --> 00:03:43.696 so the school did provide dormitory, 79 00:03:43.790 --> 00:03:45.774 but I have to share one room with 80 00:03:46.008 --> 00:04:02.437 five other girls so the living environment was not great there were a lot of things I had to put through and uh yeah and so basically I had to manage everything by myself okay that's intense all right well definitely 81 00:04:02.671 --> 00:04:13.296 I'm sure you build really resilience there sleeping with six five hundred people in the same room uh and being abroad so young and so 82 00:04:14.456 --> 00:04:18.240 I guess all the different moves were in different environments, 83 00:04:18.259 --> 00:04:18.701 of course, 84 00:04:18.720 --> 00:04:22.505 different type of opportunities and different stages of life. 85 00:04:22.607 --> 00:04:25.208 Do you see a little bit of a common thread? 86 00:04:26.412 --> 00:04:27.568 And if yes, 87 00:04:27.912 --> 00:04:28.373 which one? 88 00:04:29.552 --> 00:04:29.708 Yeah, 89 00:04:29.810 --> 00:04:30.373 absolutely. 90 00:04:30.427 --> 00:04:32.318 I feel each time I move to a new city, 91 00:04:32.974 --> 00:04:35.583 it just always teaches me to release, 92 00:04:35.599 --> 00:04:36.037 to let go, 93 00:04:36.083 --> 00:04:38.333 to discover new layers of myself. 94 00:04:38.443 --> 00:04:39.240 I think one of the 95 00:04:39.870 --> 00:04:43.252 biggest transition I was going through was when I was 29 years old. 96 00:04:43.793 --> 00:04:49.319 So at first I went to Shanghai for high school and then I moved to Hong Kong for university work. 97 00:04:49.858 --> 00:04:51.061 When I arrived in Hong Kong, 98 00:04:51.084 --> 00:04:52.241 I really loved the city. 99 00:04:52.420 --> 00:04:55.288 I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life there. 100 00:04:55.366 --> 00:04:56.819 And I thought I would move. 101 00:04:57.381 --> 00:04:58.850 Until I was 29 years old, 102 00:04:58.913 --> 00:05:01.584 that year I was going through like major life transitions. 103 00:05:01.897 --> 00:05:04.178 Basically everything in my life was falling apart. 104 00:05:04.413 --> 00:05:09.272 At first I was going through financial losses and then I'm divorced and that's of my grandma. 105 00:05:09.966 --> 00:05:10.646 So at that time, 106 00:05:10.686 --> 00:05:12.127 I just wanted to escape. 107 00:05:12.307 --> 00:05:15.227 I thought moving abroad could give me a new start. 108 00:05:15.387 --> 00:05:19.129 And I just want to run away from all those pain I was experiencing. 109 00:05:19.668 --> 00:05:22.590 And so one of the conversations I had with a friend, 110 00:05:22.668 --> 00:05:23.153 and he said, 111 00:05:23.192 --> 00:05:27.410 maybe you could check Canada because it was very easy to get their permanent residency. 112 00:05:27.926 --> 00:05:28.754 Because other countries, 113 00:05:28.755 --> 00:05:29.629 you may need a visa. 114 00:05:29.754 --> 00:05:32.332 You may have to study or work there versus Canada. 115 00:05:32.894 --> 00:05:35.276 all you need is just three years working experience. 116 00:05:35.277 --> 00:05:36.378 You got your master's degree, 117 00:05:36.439 --> 00:05:37.399 you speak English. 118 00:05:37.521 --> 00:05:39.521 So I thought maybe I should give it a try. 119 00:05:39.642 --> 00:05:40.982 So I just applied for the 120 00:05:41.700 --> 00:05:44.325 PR and I got it pretty smoothly. 121 00:05:44.903 --> 00:05:45.528 And then I said, 122 00:05:45.567 --> 00:05:48.591 maybe I should just try three months and see what happens. 123 00:05:48.630 --> 00:05:49.325 If I like it, 124 00:05:49.372 --> 00:05:49.966 I will stay. 125 00:05:50.466 --> 00:05:50.935 If not, 126 00:05:51.044 --> 00:05:52.732 then I can always go back to Hong Kong. 127 00:05:52.778 --> 00:05:54.528 So that's how that journey started. 128 00:05:55.030 --> 00:05:59.755 But what I didn't expect is that three months would turn into a four-year spiritual journey. 129 00:06:00.794 --> 00:06:01.216 Wow. 130 00:06:01.618 --> 00:06:02.477 Spiritual journey. 131 00:06:02.559 --> 00:06:02.919 Okay. 132 00:06:03.700 --> 00:06:04.981 Let's dive into that. 133 00:06:05.356 --> 00:06:05.598 Yeah, 134 00:06:05.958 --> 00:06:08.903 that is when I experienced the biggest identity shift. 135 00:06:09.005 --> 00:06:10.684 So when I got in Canada, 136 00:06:10.786 --> 00:06:11.950 at first it was May. 137 00:06:12.481 --> 00:06:13.981 It was really beautiful summer. 138 00:06:14.169 --> 00:06:14.372 Okay, 139 00:06:14.373 --> 00:06:14.763 nice weather. 140 00:06:14.764 --> 00:06:15.075 Yeah. 141 00:06:16.178 --> 00:06:17.620 And then now looking back, 142 00:06:17.640 --> 00:06:20.464 I realized that that was when I was in the honeymoon phase. 143 00:06:20.601 --> 00:06:23.847 And I didn't know the honeymoon phase will end. 144 00:06:23.866 --> 00:06:25.147 And then when winter came, 145 00:06:25.186 --> 00:06:26.366 it became brutal. 146 00:06:26.546 --> 00:06:33.257 And what was worse was all of those emotions I hadn't processed in Hong Kong came flooding the surface. 147 00:06:33.757 --> 00:06:37.632 So that's when I realized that relocation cannot fix an internal problem. 148 00:06:37.835 --> 00:06:39.413 It only magnifies it. 149 00:06:39.647 --> 00:06:41.226 Without the old distractions, 150 00:06:41.288 --> 00:06:43.132 I had no choice but to face them. 151 00:06:43.650 --> 00:06:46.731 But it's also through facing those unpleasant emotions, 152 00:06:46.772 --> 00:06:47.910 I began to shed, 153 00:06:48.012 --> 00:06:48.910 to release, 154 00:06:48.930 --> 00:06:55.270 to let go of everything that doesn't belong to me and began to discover new layers of myself. 155 00:06:55.395 --> 00:06:57.910 Because when I was living in Asia, 156 00:06:58.051 --> 00:07:00.278 I always thought to be worthy, 157 00:07:00.371 --> 00:07:03.371 I had to prove myself by getting a good college degree, 158 00:07:03.809 --> 00:07:06.059 landing a high-paying corporate job, 159 00:07:06.168 --> 00:07:09.012 getting married with two kids before 30 years old. 160 00:07:09.402 --> 00:07:15.448 So I wanted to hit all of the life milestones to prove that I'm worthy to meet other people's expectations. 161 00:07:16.249 --> 00:07:18.812 And then when all of those were falling apart, 162 00:07:18.851 --> 00:07:22.335 I moved to Canada and I was living in this new environment, 163 00:07:22.476 --> 00:07:25.445 feeling exposed to new ideas and new ways of being. 164 00:07:25.913 --> 00:07:30.929 That's when I began to question who I truly am beyond all of the labels, 165 00:07:31.116 --> 00:07:31.960 conditionings. 166 00:07:32.726 --> 00:07:36.382 What do I truly want regardless of other people's opinions, 167 00:07:36.523 --> 00:07:38.163 society's expectations? 168 00:07:38.758 --> 00:07:42.102 And it took me four years to really get some clarity. 169 00:07:42.221 --> 00:07:48.411 So I was in that in-between space for four years until I found it. 170 00:07:48.504 --> 00:07:49.371 I think at the same time, 171 00:07:49.450 --> 00:07:50.989 it's hard to face that, 172 00:07:51.051 --> 00:07:54.614 to be alone and to try to discover your own self. 173 00:07:54.692 --> 00:07:55.192 In a way, 174 00:07:55.520 --> 00:07:59.192 it's easy when other people make the decision for you. 175 00:07:59.301 --> 00:08:01.801 It can be a bit frustrating because you're not aligned. 176 00:08:01.864 --> 00:08:03.504 But at the same time, 177 00:08:03.505 --> 00:08:06.098 it just takes that responsibility off of you. 178 00:08:06.286 --> 00:08:07.723 And I enjoy that sometimes. 179 00:08:12.279 --> 00:08:13.279 and I get scared when it's a meeting. 180 00:08:13.280 --> 00:08:13.880 I have to make the choice for myself. 181 00:08:13.881 --> 00:08:13.978 Yeah, 182 00:08:13.998 --> 00:08:14.681 absolutely. 183 00:08:14.779 --> 00:08:20.599 So there were lots of thoughts and feelings that came up as I was going through the identity shifts, 184 00:08:20.638 --> 00:08:22.162 like feeling scared, 185 00:08:22.443 --> 00:08:24.255 not sure about what the future holds. 186 00:08:24.287 --> 00:08:26.427 There was this fear of uncertainty. 187 00:08:27.021 --> 00:08:28.021 And at the same time, 188 00:08:28.162 --> 00:08:29.177 I was feeling stuck. 189 00:08:29.365 --> 00:08:34.287 Like I feel like I was living in this in-between space where I'm no longer connected to Hong Kong. 190 00:08:34.318 --> 00:08:35.880 I know I don't want to go back. 191 00:08:36.026 --> 00:09:05.555 anymore but I also feel like I didn't fit into Canada and I always like wonder where should I go next like what the future holds but I just no matter how hard I try I just couldn't find the answers but now in retrospect I realize like the feeling stuck is part of the journey you really that is a sign from the universe it's life's way of reminding us to really slow down be patient with ourself maybe you're not supposed to know what the future holds maybe this is just a time for us to change inward. 192 00:09:05.902 --> 00:09:07.103 to do those inner work, 193 00:09:07.143 --> 00:09:08.546 to really nourish ourselves, 194 00:09:08.565 --> 00:09:10.104 to live in the present moment. 195 00:09:10.448 --> 00:09:13.589 And once we allow ourselves to fully process those feelings, 196 00:09:13.909 --> 00:09:19.471 we can come back to a place of regulation and clarity before the external reality catches up. 197 00:09:19.534 --> 00:09:21.839 So this is the work I help my clients to do, 198 00:09:22.378 --> 00:09:24.425 really help them process those emotions, 199 00:09:24.628 --> 00:09:31.909 shift the energy in their body so that they can become a vibrational match for whatever they want to attract in their life. 200 00:09:32.346 --> 00:09:35.315 So that is also what somatic healing is all about. 201 00:09:36.019 --> 00:09:36.280 Okay, 202 00:09:36.521 --> 00:09:39.134 and so how can someone actually... 203 00:09:40.027 --> 00:09:41.508 start processing feelings? 204 00:09:41.528 --> 00:09:43.331 Like for someone who's repressed, 205 00:09:44.530 --> 00:09:47.635 spent most of their life maybe repressing feelings, 206 00:09:47.917 --> 00:09:51.159 how do you actually stop and start listening, 207 00:09:51.315 --> 00:09:52.042 understanding, 208 00:09:52.182 --> 00:09:52.776 processing? 209 00:09:52.839 --> 00:09:56.565 How would you guide someone through that process? 210 00:09:57.128 --> 00:09:57.284 Yeah, 211 00:09:57.299 --> 00:09:58.221 I love that question. 212 00:09:58.331 --> 00:10:01.643 So because relocation can stir up many emotions, 213 00:10:01.768 --> 00:10:02.034 like 214 00:10:02.628 --> 00:10:03.143 I always say, 215 00:10:03.174 --> 00:10:04.565 like when you're moving to a new city, 216 00:10:04.628 --> 00:10:06.112 you're not just moving physically, 217 00:10:06.581 --> 00:10:08.362 we're also moving through layers of pain. 218 00:10:08.811 --> 00:10:09.452 loneliness, 219 00:10:09.632 --> 00:10:10.433 identity shifts, 220 00:10:10.513 --> 00:10:11.914 culture disorientation. 221 00:10:12.436 --> 00:10:16.279 So it can feel really overwhelming when we just arrive in a new city. 222 00:10:16.779 --> 00:10:25.490 And what I'm hearing from most of my clients is that most of them are waiting for their external circumstances to change in order to feel better on the inside. 223 00:10:29.334 --> 00:10:31.131 I need to get my visa figured out, 224 00:10:31.178 --> 00:10:32.537 then I can finally relax, 225 00:10:32.678 --> 00:10:33.615 have a good night's sleep, 226 00:10:33.709 --> 00:10:34.334 or I need to... 227 00:10:34.431 --> 00:10:36.733 build a relationship or community first, 228 00:10:36.754 --> 00:10:39.657 then I can feel loved or connected on the inside. 229 00:10:40.098 --> 00:10:41.137 But if that's the case, 230 00:10:41.176 --> 00:10:44.102 we're always at the mercy of our environments because you know, 231 00:10:44.664 --> 00:10:45.438 it's constant. 232 00:10:45.563 --> 00:10:46.719 When things are going well, 233 00:10:46.883 --> 00:10:49.563 we feel this fleeting happiness and connection. 234 00:10:49.805 --> 00:10:51.360 But then when things are going downhill, 235 00:10:51.407 --> 00:10:55.828 we experience the same feeling of anxiety or restless or emptiness. 236 00:10:56.328 --> 00:11:02.391 So the work we want to do here is how can we maintain a level of inner peace and inner stability even when 237 00:11:02.627 --> 00:11:04.610 the external world is chaotic. 238 00:11:05.169 --> 00:11:06.471 And so often we say, 239 00:11:06.551 --> 00:11:07.712 just feel your feelings. 240 00:11:07.813 --> 00:11:09.153 What does that exactly mean? 241 00:11:09.856 --> 00:11:11.895 Very few people break it down step by step. 242 00:11:11.973 --> 00:11:12.715 So in my work, 243 00:11:12.755 --> 00:11:14.137 I developed this framework. 244 00:11:14.215 --> 00:11:16.161 It's called the FEEL framework, 245 00:11:16.442 --> 00:11:17.200 F-E-E-L. 246 00:11:17.661 --> 00:11:19.364 That's when you follow these steps, 247 00:11:19.411 --> 00:11:23.520 you can actually process those feelings in a healthy embodied way. 248 00:11:23.583 --> 00:11:26.505 So the first step F is find the feeling, 249 00:11:26.723 --> 00:11:28.536 find the sensation in your body. 250 00:11:29.039 --> 00:11:32.940 So maybe right now you're really stressed about a visa issue or a job issue. 251 00:11:33.042 --> 00:11:36.561 Like just instead of rushing to find the external solutions, 252 00:11:36.682 --> 00:11:38.377 allowing yourself to take a pause. 253 00:11:38.745 --> 00:11:40.823 Like where do you feel that anxiety in your body? 254 00:11:41.018 --> 00:11:43.620 Maybe it looks like this tightness in your chest, 255 00:11:43.979 --> 00:11:46.667 or maybe it looks like the heaviness in your heart. 256 00:11:46.963 --> 00:11:48.948 We want to find that sensation, 257 00:11:49.510 --> 00:11:50.167 find that feeling. 258 00:11:50.260 --> 00:11:51.698 And the second is E, 259 00:11:51.948 --> 00:11:53.338 which means express, 260 00:11:53.479 --> 00:11:55.604 allowing yourself to name that emotion. 261 00:11:56.047 --> 00:11:57.749 what is it that you're truly feeling? 262 00:11:57.769 --> 00:11:59.091 Because I often hear people say, 263 00:11:59.111 --> 00:12:00.490 I feel good or I feel bad. 264 00:12:00.552 --> 00:12:02.333 Sometimes I don't even know how I'm feeling. 265 00:12:02.372 --> 00:12:03.673 I'm feeling all the words. 266 00:12:04.177 --> 00:12:07.857 And so this is where we can begin to increase our emotional vocabulary. 267 00:12:07.896 --> 00:12:09.302 Because when I just moved abroad, 268 00:12:09.724 --> 00:12:11.341 I also didn't know what I was feeling. 269 00:12:11.404 --> 00:12:13.411 I thought it may be homesickness, 270 00:12:13.771 --> 00:12:14.740 maybe it's sadness. 271 00:12:15.068 --> 00:12:16.052 Until at some point, 272 00:12:16.193 --> 00:12:19.771 I came across this word that's called ambiguous grief. 273 00:12:19.990 --> 00:12:24.536 This means like the invisible losses we experience after relocation. 274 00:12:25.739 --> 00:12:26.420 Interesting. 275 00:12:26.460 --> 00:12:28.502 I didn't know there was a name for that. 276 00:12:29.803 --> 00:12:30.225 Same. 277 00:12:30.283 --> 00:12:32.287 So when I put a name on that, 278 00:12:32.307 --> 00:12:33.924 it just makes so much sense. 279 00:12:33.971 --> 00:12:35.369 This is the invisible loss. 280 00:12:35.432 --> 00:12:36.932 It's like the loss of belonging, 281 00:12:36.947 --> 00:12:38.049 the loss of identity. 282 00:12:38.791 --> 00:12:40.815 And when I began to name that emotion, 283 00:12:40.994 --> 00:12:42.236 I acknowledged them. 284 00:12:42.361 --> 00:12:44.502 That's when the emotion began to soften. 285 00:12:45.018 --> 00:12:46.565 And then we have the third E, 286 00:12:46.815 --> 00:12:48.268 which means embrace. 287 00:12:48.377 --> 00:12:50.330 This means allowing yourself to feel. 288 00:12:50.424 --> 00:12:52.440 This can be very counterintuitive. 289 00:12:52.735 --> 00:12:53.656 Because like you said, 290 00:12:53.716 --> 00:12:55.777 when we experience those emotions, 291 00:12:56.039 --> 00:12:57.820 our first response is to resist it, 292 00:12:58.199 --> 00:12:58.961 to surprise it. 293 00:12:58.962 --> 00:13:00.281 I don't want to feel it. 294 00:13:00.282 --> 00:13:01.781 I just want to avoid it. 295 00:13:01.782 --> 00:13:02.789 Let me just move through it. 296 00:13:04.265 --> 00:13:04.484 Yeah, 297 00:13:04.625 --> 00:13:06.328 and that's a very human thing to do. 298 00:13:06.507 --> 00:13:09.257 It's our nature to avoid pain at all costs. 299 00:13:09.258 --> 00:13:10.476 We don't want to judge ourselves. 300 00:13:10.507 --> 00:13:11.554 We just want to notice, 301 00:13:11.679 --> 00:13:11.898 okay, 302 00:13:11.914 --> 00:13:13.773 there is a part of me that's trying to resist, 303 00:13:13.820 --> 00:13:15.445 but I'm not reacting to that. 304 00:13:16.476 --> 00:13:16.945 So really, 305 00:13:16.992 --> 00:13:18.461 we want to just take a pause, 306 00:13:18.539 --> 00:13:20.304 allowing yourself to feel like, 307 00:13:20.398 --> 00:13:21.898 embrace the sensation. 308 00:13:22.315 --> 00:13:49.309 allowing it to move however it wants to move through the body because that's how the physical body heals that's all the physical body wants to do is always wants to heal always want to evolve we just need to allow it like the work we're doing here can we meet life right here like meet it with presence meet it with love if i cannot love it can i at least accept it because when you all right you're free of it and then the next last step is my favorite it's It's called 309 00:13:50.168 --> 00:13:51.606 L. That means let it... 310 00:13:51.947 --> 00:13:52.388 release, 311 00:13:52.508 --> 00:13:52.949 let it go, 312 00:13:53.148 --> 00:13:53.769 let it move. 313 00:13:54.669 --> 00:13:56.574 Energy leaves our body in three ways, 314 00:13:56.632 --> 00:13:57.292 through breath, 315 00:13:57.472 --> 00:13:58.074 through sound, 316 00:13:58.214 --> 00:13:58.913 through movement. 317 00:13:58.952 --> 00:14:01.136 So do whatever you need to do somatically, 318 00:14:01.199 --> 00:14:02.699 whether it's through breathing, 319 00:14:02.917 --> 00:14:03.441 sounding, 320 00:14:03.917 --> 00:14:04.441 movement, 321 00:14:04.659 --> 00:14:05.222 shaking, 322 00:14:05.324 --> 00:14:05.784 dancing, 323 00:14:05.863 --> 00:14:07.925 just let the energy get out of your system. 324 00:14:08.128 --> 00:14:13.050 And then we can come back to a place of clarity and peace where we can have a clear mind, 325 00:14:13.191 --> 00:14:13.722 open heart, 326 00:14:13.863 --> 00:14:14.816 turn on intuition, 327 00:14:14.909 --> 00:14:18.628 and then our behaviors is going to be so much more productive. 328 00:14:18.675 --> 00:14:19.722 you will feel more grounded, 329 00:14:19.816 --> 00:14:19.941 more... 330 00:14:20.051 --> 00:14:22.413 energized to tackle those external challenges, 331 00:14:22.454 --> 00:14:26.417 whether it's a visa issue or job issue or relationship problems. 332 00:14:26.936 --> 00:14:27.378 Okay, 333 00:14:27.678 --> 00:14:28.241 interesting. 334 00:14:28.296 --> 00:14:29.999 Great to have that framework. 335 00:14:30.624 --> 00:14:31.866 I'll definitely try it out. 336 00:14:34.702 --> 00:14:35.124 All right, 337 00:14:35.186 --> 00:14:39.710 let's go back a little bit to those identity shifts. 338 00:14:39.866 --> 00:14:43.538 I think someone who hasn't made that step abroad. 339 00:14:44.675 --> 00:14:47.378 An expat already knows about those identity shifts. 340 00:14:47.417 --> 00:14:50.862 But if we're talking to someone who is thinking about moving, 341 00:14:51.061 --> 00:14:54.905 what can be sort of expected? 342 00:14:54.983 --> 00:14:55.249 Like, 343 00:14:55.428 --> 00:14:59.913 what are we looking at in terms of personality changes or just, 344 00:15:00.999 --> 00:15:01.389 I don't know, 345 00:15:01.530 --> 00:15:04.936 ways of being habits that you see with clients? 346 00:15:05.921 --> 00:15:06.061 Yeah, 347 00:15:06.217 --> 00:15:06.983 so in my work, 348 00:15:07.139 --> 00:15:09.217 I have this ebook that's called 349 00:15:09.577 --> 00:15:11.983 The Five Emotional Phase of Relocation. 350 00:15:12.077 --> 00:15:12.858 So this is where... 351 00:15:13.447 --> 00:15:16.530 What can help people prepare before they move abroad? 352 00:15:16.610 --> 00:15:17.831 So there are five phases. 353 00:15:17.870 --> 00:15:20.714 We have the honeymoon phase where we covered a little bit. 354 00:15:21.093 --> 00:15:22.819 And then the second is the culture shock, 355 00:15:22.913 --> 00:15:25.522 which this is where you begin to notice the differences. 356 00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:29.124 It could be a language barrier or it could be there are different traditions, 357 00:15:29.264 --> 00:15:30.202 like culture norms, 358 00:15:30.249 --> 00:15:30.952 social rules, 359 00:15:30.999 --> 00:15:34.046 where people can feel a little bit frustrated or awkward. 360 00:15:34.405 --> 00:15:37.218 That's where a lot of people experience that loneliness as well. 361 00:15:37.733 --> 00:15:40.546 And then some of them will enter this third phase. 362 00:15:40.803 --> 00:15:41.083 phase, 363 00:15:41.123 --> 00:15:42.305 which is the low point. 364 00:15:42.465 --> 00:15:45.047 This is where you may begin to miss home. 365 00:15:45.067 --> 00:15:45.887 You want to go back. 366 00:15:45.926 --> 00:15:47.930 You feel regret about your decisions. 367 00:15:48.469 --> 00:15:52.137 And those are very common feelings we experience. 368 00:15:52.138 --> 00:15:53.575 So if anyone is feeling that way, 369 00:15:53.715 --> 00:15:58.067 just knowing that you're not alone and use that tool to process those emotions. 370 00:15:58.145 --> 00:15:59.942 And then we'll have the fourth phase. 371 00:16:00.082 --> 00:16:01.676 This is the identity shift phase. 372 00:16:01.677 --> 00:16:03.410 We also call the adaptation. 373 00:16:03.801 --> 00:16:06.582 This means you're learning to adapt to this new environment, 374 00:16:06.989 --> 00:16:09.567 whether it's learning new language or learning something 375 00:16:09.655 --> 00:16:11.635 to collaborate with local people. 376 00:16:12.136 --> 00:16:17.556 And this is where you get to choose what to let go of from your old culture and what to embrace the new. 377 00:16:18.537 --> 00:16:23.701 Because this is the time you may get confused where usually we have two types of people. 378 00:16:23.998 --> 00:16:24.678 The first type, 379 00:16:24.701 --> 00:16:27.506 they will try to erase themselves to fit into a group. 380 00:16:27.912 --> 00:16:34.334 They want to let go of everything they had in the past and just trying to find that belonging in this new space. 381 00:16:34.881 --> 00:16:35.381 Oftentimes, 382 00:16:35.428 --> 00:16:38.959 if we try to erase ourselves to trade for belonging, 383 00:16:39.021 --> 00:16:39.240 will. 384 00:16:39.363 --> 00:16:41.025 lose our authenticity. 385 00:16:41.245 --> 00:16:42.646 And even when we're in a group, 386 00:16:42.787 --> 00:16:46.170 we still feel like emotionally exhausted or disconnected. 387 00:16:46.810 --> 00:16:48.213 And the other type of people, 388 00:16:48.252 --> 00:16:49.713 they may feel frustrated. 389 00:16:50.252 --> 00:16:51.478 They're resisting change. 390 00:16:51.517 --> 00:16:53.400 They don't want to embrace anything from the new. 391 00:16:53.517 --> 00:16:55.056 They just want to hold on to the past. 392 00:16:55.424 --> 00:16:57.658 And this is also what creates suffering. 393 00:16:58.267 --> 00:17:00.408 So what true belonging is, 394 00:17:00.580 --> 00:17:03.252 is to really allow yourself to find yourself, 395 00:17:03.502 --> 00:17:05.252 allowing yourself to feel safe, 396 00:17:05.627 --> 00:17:06.283 to open up, 397 00:17:06.470 --> 00:17:07.017 feel safe, 398 00:17:07.018 --> 00:17:08.299 to express your truth. 399 00:17:08.523 --> 00:17:11.145 and to feel confident in who you truly are. 400 00:17:11.626 --> 00:17:14.188 And then because when we talk about identity shifts, 401 00:17:14.208 --> 00:17:15.290 there is a concept, 402 00:17:15.329 --> 00:17:18.872 we have the conditioned self and we also have the true self. 403 00:17:19.231 --> 00:17:23.020 So this journey is all about moving from the conditioned self to the true self. 404 00:17:23.395 --> 00:17:25.825 The conditioned self is who you should be. 405 00:17:26.137 --> 00:17:27.841 It's the job you should pursue, 406 00:17:27.966 --> 00:17:30.122 the life milestone you should keep. 407 00:17:30.123 --> 00:17:31.919 It's the social pressure. 408 00:17:32.169 --> 00:17:32.700 Yeah, 409 00:17:32.701 --> 00:17:34.887 it's the life other people think you should live. 410 00:17:35.216 --> 00:17:36.372 And oftentimes this is who, 411 00:17:36.809 --> 00:17:37.356 what those 412 00:17:37.779 --> 00:18:07.273 burden we have been carrying when we live in our country if we have never moved because we have those influence from our culture from our family beliefs right but moving abroad really give you a chance to start over give you this mental space and emotional space without the influence from your family who you truly are what truly matters to you so this is our opportunity to create a life on your terms and this is how we slowly move from the conditioned self to true self the true self is a part of it that's naturally 413 00:18:07.635 --> 00:18:08.355 intuitive, 414 00:18:08.495 --> 00:18:08.835 free, 415 00:18:09.236 --> 00:18:11.555 grounded before you learn who you should be. 416 00:18:12.117 --> 00:18:12.957 And like I said, 417 00:18:12.996 --> 00:18:14.075 this is a process, 418 00:18:14.157 --> 00:18:18.696 a lot of this is called the in-between space where you may feel like I don't belong anywhere. 419 00:18:19.016 --> 00:18:20.055 Like no matter where I go, 420 00:18:20.235 --> 00:18:21.516 it doesn't feel like home. 421 00:18:21.961 --> 00:18:24.180 This is like what I hear a lot from my clients. 422 00:18:24.211 --> 00:18:25.758 Also something I personally want. 423 00:18:25.774 --> 00:18:26.914 So for me personally, 424 00:18:26.961 --> 00:18:28.196 this lasts for four years. 425 00:18:28.258 --> 00:18:29.102 And for some people, 426 00:18:29.103 --> 00:18:30.258 it lasts for three months. 427 00:18:30.602 --> 00:18:31.055 For others, 428 00:18:31.056 --> 00:18:32.055 it lasts for years. 429 00:18:32.164 --> 00:18:36.102 And I also know people who are struggling with this for decades after moving abroad. 430 00:18:36.463 --> 00:18:40.147 They just never find a place that they feel like there's true sense of belonging. 431 00:18:40.508 --> 00:18:45.973 And I always talk to my clients that if you don't feel at home anywhere, 432 00:18:46.309 --> 00:18:51.020 this is just life's way of reminding you to create a sense of home within. 433 00:18:51.059 --> 00:18:53.184 Because once we build a home within, 434 00:18:53.216 --> 00:18:55.466 we find truth. 435 00:18:57.497 --> 00:19:00.559 No place might actually solve the issue. 436 00:19:00.841 --> 00:19:03.356 It's more of dealing with yourself. 437 00:19:03.815 --> 00:19:20.367 and your beliefs and your needs before you actually so potentially you could almost i want to say almost live anywhere as long as you're aligned with yourself yeah absolutely so this doesn't mean you should never move this when 438 00:19:20.446 --> 00:19:33.086 you move to a place you're gonna make the decision based on your truth like i always say people like flowers some need more sunshine some need more shades we need to find the environment that nourishes you and oftentimes this 439 00:19:33.227 --> 00:19:43.507 place is right for you at this stage of your life but after a few years you may outgrow it so just like flowers that need to be replanted in a bigger pot so we need to find a place 440 00:19:44.292 --> 00:19:46.094 That's right for us at the right timing. 441 00:19:46.274 --> 00:19:48.555 But when we are making those decisions, 442 00:19:48.637 --> 00:19:50.477 it's coming from a place of alignment. 443 00:19:50.719 --> 00:19:52.598 We're not just running to escape. 444 00:19:52.880 --> 00:19:55.481 Like that's when relocation becomes really powerful. 445 00:19:55.520 --> 00:19:56.262 You're not running, 446 00:19:57.005 --> 00:19:58.489 you're not relocating to escape. 447 00:19:58.583 --> 00:19:59.887 You're relocating to expand. 448 00:20:00.895 --> 00:20:01.005 Yeah, 449 00:20:01.551 --> 00:20:04.098 it's thought through and there's a purpose behind it. 450 00:20:04.458 --> 00:20:04.676 Yeah, 451 00:20:04.926 --> 00:20:05.536 absolutely. 452 00:20:06.520 --> 00:20:06.630 Yeah, 453 00:20:06.676 --> 00:20:07.833 it's something we talked with 454 00:20:09.051 --> 00:20:12.380 Nancy in a previous episode around knowing when it's... 455 00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:27.874 the time to leave and accepting that it's okay it doesn't mean that it's a failure sometimes it's just that time of this place doesn't serve you without growing it exactly i love that metaphor about the plants leaving a 456 00:20:27.898 --> 00:20:37.468 bigger pot or a different soil or something but something new yeah it's so the letting go is the hardest part of this journey because there could be things You should be built. 457 00:20:37.860 --> 00:20:58.325 you've rebuilt everything so it's hard to say oh I'm gonna leave everything that I've built but it it's not it's never a complete goodbye I feel absolutely because people always say that you just need to let go you just need to let go it sounds very easy and I understand logically but until at some point I realized my body has a different timeline in 458 00:20:58.341 --> 00:21:02.903 those four years I always had those um same dream in that dream I was 459 00:21:03.140 --> 00:21:06.103 at the airport and I was carrying my two luggage. 460 00:21:06.164 --> 00:21:09.865 I was trying to check in my flight to go for the next destination, 461 00:21:10.087 --> 00:21:13.849 but suddenly I realized my luggage were missing and I couldn't find them. 462 00:21:14.068 --> 00:21:16.091 I find so much anxiety, 463 00:21:16.255 --> 00:21:16.810 stress, 464 00:21:17.193 --> 00:21:21.701 and I kept having the same dream as I was going through that identity shift period. 465 00:21:21.857 --> 00:21:21.997 Wow, 466 00:21:21.998 --> 00:21:22.622 that's crazy. 467 00:21:23.168 --> 00:21:23.368 Yeah. 468 00:21:23.569 --> 00:21:24.970 So and then when I wake up, 469 00:21:25.070 --> 00:21:26.631 I talk to my friends and she said, 470 00:21:26.653 --> 00:21:27.672 that's a really good sign. 471 00:21:27.711 --> 00:21:31.133 That means you're letting go of those emotional baggage you've been carrying. 472 00:21:31.375 --> 00:21:31.656 And 473 00:21:32.039 --> 00:21:33.414 I understand that logically, 474 00:21:33.656 --> 00:21:37.078 but I realized like my body wasn't just ready to release, 475 00:21:37.102 --> 00:21:37.539 to let go. 476 00:21:37.664 --> 00:21:42.070 So how often do we have this logical idea that this is where I want to be in five years, 477 00:21:42.102 --> 00:21:42.649 10 years, 478 00:21:42.727 --> 00:21:43.695 this is who I want to be. 479 00:21:44.211 --> 00:21:46.914 But if our body is stuck in a historical timeline, 480 00:21:46.915 --> 00:21:48.195 it will still pull us back. 481 00:21:48.274 --> 00:21:48.711 That's why. 482 00:21:49.172 --> 00:21:50.893 I think this is a body-based work, 483 00:21:50.973 --> 00:21:52.694 really allowing ourselves to feel, 484 00:21:53.072 --> 00:21:58.576 to release those emotions so that we can liberate ourselves from the inside out. 485 00:21:59.834 --> 00:22:00.451 Interesting. 486 00:22:01.631 --> 00:22:01.998 Okay. 487 00:22:04.053 --> 00:22:04.295 I mean, 488 00:22:04.319 --> 00:22:13.920 we've touched on the identity shifts and I think how you continue to grow with each move is pretty clear. 489 00:22:13.998 --> 00:22:17.451 But is there anything you want to add on that? 490 00:22:18.464 --> 00:22:18.644 Yeah, 491 00:22:18.885 --> 00:22:23.089 so I think what changed most for me is my definition of home. 492 00:22:24.011 --> 00:22:26.632 As I was relocating to each different city, 493 00:22:27.812 --> 00:22:28.210 of course, 494 00:22:28.234 --> 00:22:29.038 when I was younger, 495 00:22:29.132 --> 00:22:32.640 I thought home was the place my parents and my grandparents lived. 496 00:22:32.679 --> 00:22:34.960 They gave me a sense of comfort. 497 00:22:35.398 --> 00:22:37.070 And then when I left home at 16, 498 00:22:37.163 --> 00:22:40.179 I thought now I had to build my own home. 499 00:22:40.398 --> 00:22:41.351 And at that time, 500 00:22:41.382 --> 00:22:44.132 I thought that means buying my own house, 501 00:22:44.273 --> 00:22:45.429 like having a stable job, 502 00:22:45.585 --> 00:22:46.226 getting married, 503 00:22:46.288 --> 00:22:47.226 have my own family. 504 00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:51.641 And until all of that was falling apart and I moved to Vancouver, 505 00:22:51.701 --> 00:22:54.281 that kind of forced me to redefine home again. 506 00:22:54.922 --> 00:22:55.820 And at that time, 507 00:22:55.863 --> 00:23:00.926 I actually met some of my best friends in my life at a spiritual meetup group. 508 00:23:01.067 --> 00:23:04.449 And we find that we have this shared passion for spirituality, 509 00:23:04.543 --> 00:23:05.199 psychology. 510 00:23:05.746 --> 00:23:09.684 That was the first time I experienced that emotional connection with someone. 511 00:23:09.685 --> 00:23:10.949 It just felt so incredible. 512 00:23:10.965 --> 00:23:11.871 It's hard to explain, 513 00:23:12.809 --> 00:23:15.199 but it just feels like this person can see my heart, 514 00:23:15.246 --> 00:23:15.824 see my soul. 515 00:23:16.012 --> 00:23:16.652 that's when I 516 00:23:17.028 --> 00:23:24.956 realized maybe home means being around like-minded people and being in a community where we share similar interests and passions. 517 00:23:25.557 --> 00:23:25.956 And then 518 00:23:26.378 --> 00:23:27.698 I left Vancouver, 519 00:23:27.995 --> 00:23:29.120 my journey continued. 520 00:23:29.121 --> 00:23:31.081 So I moved to Toronto and New York. 521 00:23:31.182 --> 00:23:33.620 And this time I wasn't moving to escape. 522 00:23:33.682 --> 00:23:34.885 I just simply feel like 523 00:23:35.682 --> 00:23:37.667 Vancouver has fulfilled its purpose. 524 00:23:38.245 --> 00:23:39.698 It's time to continue to grow. 525 00:23:40.214 --> 00:23:43.854 And I know like there is something I need to learn in another different city. 526 00:23:44.420 --> 00:23:45.502 That's how I made the move. 527 00:23:45.582 --> 00:23:46.441 And now looking back, 528 00:23:46.463 --> 00:23:49.047 I feel I learned a lot more lessons in this new city, 529 00:23:49.203 --> 00:23:50.328 which again, 530 00:23:50.406 --> 00:23:52.390 just pushed me to redefine home again. 531 00:23:52.445 --> 00:23:59.976 So nowadays I feel like my sense of home is no longer tied to an external place or a relationship or even a community. 532 00:24:00.156 --> 00:24:03.461 I feel it's the inner state of peace and connection. 533 00:24:03.898 --> 00:24:05.961 It is this energy you embody. 534 00:24:06.257 --> 00:24:11.070 Like maybe you had that feeling too when you first met someone before that person even say a word, 535 00:24:11.304 --> 00:24:12.492 you already feel their vibe, 536 00:24:12.554 --> 00:24:13.304 feel their energy. 537 00:24:13.904 --> 00:24:18.069 And we just feel drawn to those people who are radiating the energy of love, 538 00:24:18.147 --> 00:24:18.889 of connection, 539 00:24:18.928 --> 00:24:19.631 of peace. 540 00:24:19.729 --> 00:24:21.491 And it doesn't matter what they say. 541 00:24:21.553 --> 00:24:23.334 Sometimes there could be language barriers, 542 00:24:23.631 --> 00:24:25.912 but we still want to be friends with that person. 543 00:24:26.037 --> 00:24:30.436 And that is when I realized home is the energy we embody in our body. 544 00:24:30.717 --> 00:24:32.123 That's the energy of safety, 545 00:24:32.342 --> 00:24:33.264 the energy of love. 546 00:24:34.030 --> 00:24:34.389 Okay. 547 00:24:34.920 --> 00:24:38.483 And so how did you know that these new cities like New York, 548 00:24:38.545 --> 00:24:39.186 for example, 549 00:24:40.092 --> 00:24:41.905 that's where you had to be to learn? 550 00:24:42.497 --> 00:24:45.778 whatever you were trying to learn or explore. 551 00:24:46.620 --> 00:24:47.361 You mentioned, 552 00:24:48.482 --> 00:24:50.904 I need a new city where I was going to learn something new. 553 00:24:51.904 --> 00:24:52.787 I love that question. 554 00:24:52.927 --> 00:24:53.747 So the answer is, 555 00:24:53.908 --> 00:24:54.708 I didn't know. 556 00:24:58.755 --> 00:25:02.279 So I didn't know I was going to learn this license here. 557 00:25:02.638 --> 00:25:04.872 I was simply just following my intuition. 558 00:25:04.951 --> 00:25:05.216 Again, 559 00:25:05.294 --> 00:25:07.107 that is the beauty of intuition, 560 00:25:07.247 --> 00:25:07.466 right? 561 00:25:07.497 --> 00:25:11.888 So you just have this gut feeling like this is the place you want to be. 562 00:25:11.889 --> 00:25:11.992 be, 563 00:25:12.152 --> 00:25:14.995 but you don't know the reason yet until you truly get there. 564 00:25:15.175 --> 00:25:17.036 So that is how the intuition works. 565 00:25:17.239 --> 00:25:20.544 You are not never going to get the answers until you truly get there. 566 00:25:20.841 --> 00:25:22.903 But you just feel this felt sense in your body. 567 00:25:22.981 --> 00:25:25.786 It feels like you're answering this inner calling. 568 00:25:25.849 --> 00:25:26.427 At that time, 569 00:25:26.825 --> 00:25:27.669 like I said earlier, 570 00:25:27.731 --> 00:25:29.809 I just planned to be in New York for three months. 571 00:25:30.247 --> 00:25:31.934 And one day I just found, 572 00:25:32.075 --> 00:25:34.950 I was looking for different sub-list on social media. 573 00:25:34.997 --> 00:25:37.622 I wanted to find a city that I can live for three months. 574 00:25:37.872 --> 00:25:39.841 So I was searching for apartments in New York, 575 00:25:39.856 --> 00:25:40.763 in Los Angeles, 576 00:25:40.794 --> 00:25:41.481 in Chicago, 577 00:25:41.497 --> 00:25:41.622 go. 578 00:25:42.124 --> 00:25:43.306 just all over the US. 579 00:25:43.425 --> 00:25:46.388 And then I thought I probably would move to Europe afterwards. 580 00:25:46.427 --> 00:25:49.192 And then I just suddenly find this apartment on social media, 581 00:25:49.231 --> 00:25:50.950 which is perfectly just three months, 582 00:25:51.294 --> 00:25:53.419 it's perfect location meets my budget, 583 00:25:53.497 --> 00:25:55.778 then I feel like that is a sign from the universe. 584 00:25:55.779 --> 00:25:57.263 So I just want to say yes to that, 585 00:25:57.341 --> 00:25:59.138 even though I don't know what the future will hold. 586 00:25:59.747 --> 00:26:01.247 The moment I arrived here, 587 00:26:01.403 --> 00:26:02.747 I just feel the energy is right. 588 00:26:02.810 --> 00:26:04.966 This is exactly where I'm supposed to be. 589 00:26:06.056 --> 00:26:09.842 It's funny because you weren't necessarily set on New York, 590 00:26:09.881 --> 00:26:10.420 as you were saying. 591 00:26:10.421 --> 00:26:14.701 You were looking at different cities. 592 00:26:14.928 --> 00:26:15.787 Within the three, 593 00:26:15.928 --> 00:26:19.068 had something attracted you to say, 594 00:26:19.287 --> 00:26:19.428 oh, 595 00:26:19.467 --> 00:26:20.834 I want to move to the US and 596 00:26:21.428 --> 00:26:23.600 I want it to be a big city? 597 00:26:25.131 --> 00:26:25.287 Yeah, 598 00:26:25.397 --> 00:26:25.897 it could be. 599 00:26:26.615 --> 00:26:28.459 Big city is definitely one of my... 600 00:26:29.104 --> 00:26:49.486 land because I think when you're moving to a big city it's easier to navigate the culture shock piece because in big cities I feel like there are diversity there is variety of people from different backgrounds right especially as an aspect in New York you meet people who are similar to you all the time like everyone is coming from different places yeah 601 00:26:49.565 --> 00:26:55.174 so that's definitely one piece but I think it's more about openness like I was never attached to one idea say 602 00:26:55.596 --> 00:26:56.397 I must move there. 603 00:26:56.457 --> 00:26:57.458 If this doesn't work, 604 00:26:57.498 --> 00:26:58.659 then I'm going to be frustrated. 605 00:26:58.759 --> 00:26:59.641 It's never like that. 606 00:26:59.720 --> 00:27:03.825 I'm always open to different options and depends on what opportunity I have. 607 00:27:04.247 --> 00:27:07.747 I'm always open to say yes to see whether that would work or not. 608 00:27:08.270 --> 00:27:13.520 And I think that's what really helped me to navigate through so many cities since I was 16. 609 00:27:13.599 --> 00:27:18.958 I had this openness and I was okay with whatever comes my way. 610 00:27:19.083 --> 00:27:23.427 So what I learned throughout this journey is really surrendering because when you move for about... 611 00:27:23.752 --> 00:27:38.915 you have a lot of things in your head you try to plan it out try to figure out the answer it never goes a plan right no i i love how you say each time it's like i plan to try it for three months and then see and so it really is that mindset of i'm 612 00:27:38.939 --> 00:27:51.524 gonna try it out and if it doesn't work it doesn't work like not necessarily you're gonna force it um which is nice because i think sometimes you just put so much pressure that even you end up not seeing all the red flags if 613 00:27:51.820 --> 00:28:20.572 there are red flags of the thing and maybe not seeing what's actually going well also so it's nice to have that approach of yeah let's try just let it go and yeah absolutely so there is this duality here right we wouldn't we don't want to give up or give in we want to still do whatever that's within our control we want to yeah yes to the opportunities and do whatever we can but we cannot get attached to the outcome because i also have clients who are really stressed out about a visa issue. 614 00:28:20.852 --> 00:28:23.574 I must live in the US if I don't stay here. 615 00:28:23.676 --> 00:28:25.437 Everything is going to change. 616 00:28:25.477 --> 00:28:27.340 I cannot accept other outcomes. 617 00:28:27.398 --> 00:28:30.059 And then that just put a lot of pressure on our shoulders. 618 00:28:30.199 --> 00:28:33.965 So it's really important to know what's in your control and what's not. 619 00:28:34.066 --> 00:28:40.879 How can we accept the things that's not in our control and have the wisdom to discern what's in your control and what's not? 620 00:28:42.117 --> 00:28:42.237 Yeah, 621 00:28:42.377 --> 00:28:45.139 I think each situation also is different. 622 00:28:45.221 --> 00:28:46.041 Like in some cases, 623 00:28:46.080 --> 00:28:47.483 if you're moving for work, 624 00:28:47.541 --> 00:28:49.764 there might be a bit of a different pressure, 625 00:28:50.686 --> 00:28:51.123 of course, 626 00:28:51.162 --> 00:28:54.709 than if you're moving on your own versus with a full family. 627 00:28:55.624 --> 00:29:22.064 emptying so yeah sometimes you're you have that opportunity to just try for three months in other cases like if it means relocating five people it's a little bit different of course yeah so I love that you mentioned that this is also also the essence of my work in my work I share the five types of relocation people usually go through right so the first step is what you just said people are moving for better education career opportunities these people are very driven and ambitious they're looking to. 628 00:29:22.648 --> 00:29:24.170 prove themselves in a new arena. 629 00:29:24.310 --> 00:29:27.232 And the second type is they're moving for a family relationship. 630 00:29:27.314 --> 00:29:29.634 They may be reuniting with their loved ones, 631 00:29:29.716 --> 00:29:32.677 or maybe their partner find a new job in another city. 632 00:29:33.318 --> 00:29:36.263 And the third one is for lifestyle, 633 00:29:36.264 --> 00:29:36.920 lifestyle move. 634 00:29:36.959 --> 00:29:41.287 They're moving for better climate or slow pace or work-life balance. 635 00:29:41.381 --> 00:29:44.412 And the fourth one is what I call the crisis move. 636 00:29:44.780 --> 00:29:48.041 This means this is not in your control. 637 00:29:48.100 --> 00:29:50.282 Maybe you're going through financial losses, 638 00:29:50.340 --> 00:29:52.203 a divorce or natural disasters. 639 00:29:52.223 --> 00:29:53.758 You have no choice but to move. 640 00:29:54.180 --> 00:29:56.422 And the last one is the soul-led journey. 641 00:29:56.586 --> 00:29:58.664 This is what's very interesting. 642 00:29:58.805 --> 00:30:01.399 You're just answering this inner calling. 643 00:30:01.446 --> 00:30:03.524 It feels like this is the right place to be. 644 00:30:04.024 --> 00:30:07.524 So these are the five types of relocations people usually go through. 645 00:30:07.602 --> 00:30:09.586 But no matter how you started the journey, 646 00:30:10.024 --> 00:30:11.227 what's the reason behind that? 647 00:30:11.258 --> 00:30:12.805 you can always turn it into 648 00:30:13.268 --> 00:30:15.371 a journey of self-discovery and growth. 649 00:30:15.470 --> 00:30:17.572 That's what I love about relocation. 650 00:30:17.591 --> 00:30:20.333 It's a really great catalyst for emotional healing. 651 00:30:22.095 --> 00:30:22.658 Absolutely. 652 00:30:23.017 --> 00:30:23.400 Okay, 653 00:30:23.595 --> 00:30:23.759 well, 654 00:30:23.900 --> 00:30:26.259 thank you for sharing all that, 655 00:30:26.705 --> 00:30:29.400 like putting words on what we actually feel, 656 00:30:29.681 --> 00:30:30.400 I think, 657 00:30:31.259 --> 00:30:31.994 as an expert. 658 00:30:32.025 --> 00:30:39.197 It definitely helps to understand the different stages and how to actually process all those emotions. 659 00:30:39.259 --> 00:30:41.900 Let's move on to your recommendations. 660 00:30:42.200 --> 00:31:09.451 in New York then you've been there three years now so what would be a bar or cafe restaurant and you have a carte blanche so whatever you want to also yeah I have two favorites so my first one is uh lost tacos number one this is my favorite place for tacos and I think everyone lives in New York would know that place there is always a long line waiting in front of the restaurants they have the one of the best tacos on the whole planet 661 00:31:10.028 --> 00:31:11.129 And the second one is 662 00:31:11.750 --> 00:31:12.350 Lady M. 663 00:31:12.471 --> 00:31:15.573 So they have the best crepe cakes in the whole world, 664 00:31:15.615 --> 00:31:16.393 in my opinion. 665 00:31:16.455 --> 00:31:19.514 And my favorite flavor is their matcha crepe cake. 666 00:31:19.975 --> 00:31:23.240 And the other reason I chose these two places is not just about the food. 667 00:31:23.319 --> 00:31:24.506 Because in New York, 668 00:31:24.623 --> 00:31:26.600 it's so hard for you to recommend a restaurant. 669 00:31:26.631 --> 00:31:29.459 There are so many different places. 670 00:31:29.803 --> 00:31:31.772 It's hard to find someone you don't like, 671 00:31:31.834 --> 00:31:32.256 I guess. 672 00:31:32.756 --> 00:31:39.397 But the other reason I chose them is because they were recommended to me by one of my local friends when I first visited. 673 00:31:39.792 --> 00:31:43.833 New York so that reminds me of the hospitality of the local people here. 674 00:31:45.192 --> 00:31:49.192 Okay and so what about your expat song? 675 00:31:50.090 --> 00:31:52.536 My favorite expat song is the 676 00:31:52.895 --> 00:31:54.215 Streets of London by 677 00:31:55.114 --> 00:31:55.880 Ralph McTowell. 678 00:31:57.036 --> 00:32:00.317 It's an old song that also I have two reasons why I love this. 679 00:32:00.864 --> 00:32:01.614 The first one is 680 00:32:02.270 --> 00:32:06.114 I just love London even know i never lived there for a long time i visited twice 681 00:32:08.260 --> 00:32:09.040 That's a good point. 682 00:32:09.161 --> 00:32:09.321 Yeah, 683 00:32:09.460 --> 00:32:09.720 maybe. 684 00:32:09.920 --> 00:32:10.581 You never know. 685 00:32:11.560 --> 00:32:13.042 So each time I was visiting 686 00:32:13.601 --> 00:32:15.882 London, when I was walking around the streets, 687 00:32:15.921 --> 00:32:19.804 I just was deeply moved by the beautiful architecture and the culture. 688 00:32:20.406 --> 00:32:22.663 It just felt like maybe I lived there in my past life. 689 00:32:22.804 --> 00:32:27.312 And the second reason I love it is because of the story this song is telling. 690 00:32:27.437 --> 00:32:31.484 It's reminding you of the people who are usually forgotten by the society, 691 00:32:31.577 --> 00:32:35.202 like the old man sitting in a cafe by himself and the old lady. 692 00:32:35.688 --> 00:32:37.230 carrying her two carry bags, 693 00:32:37.310 --> 00:32:38.171 walking home alone. 694 00:32:38.550 --> 00:32:42.733 So this just always reminds me of this shared humanity we all have. 695 00:32:42.776 --> 00:32:44.339 Like no matter where you are in the world, 696 00:32:44.440 --> 00:32:47.222 sometimes we can be so focused on our own struggles. 697 00:32:47.261 --> 00:32:49.159 We forgot about the people around us. 698 00:32:49.480 --> 00:32:52.128 We all share the same struggles and same dreams. 699 00:32:52.487 --> 00:32:54.206 So you're never truly lonely. 700 00:32:54.472 --> 00:32:56.675 So that's what I love about the song. 701 00:32:56.676 --> 00:32:59.269 It just reminds us to extend those empathy, 702 00:32:59.628 --> 00:33:01.565 compassion to the people around us. 703 00:33:02.581 --> 00:33:02.894 Lovely. 704 00:33:02.987 --> 00:33:03.628 Great. 705 00:33:04.204 --> 00:33:04.324 Well, 706 00:33:04.364 --> 00:33:05.786 thank you so much for sharing, 707 00:33:05.846 --> 00:33:11.010 for sharing part of your journey and also your work and how you work with clients, 708 00:33:11.092 --> 00:33:14.034 how to find and build your own home, 709 00:33:14.057 --> 00:33:15.495 both externally, 710 00:33:15.557 --> 00:33:17.120 but mainly internally, 711 00:33:17.213 --> 00:33:21.745 which is the big point and the most important, 712 00:33:21.838 --> 00:33:22.463 I guess, 713 00:33:22.916 --> 00:33:23.604 as an expat. 714 00:33:23.870 --> 00:33:27.385 I'll link all your profiles in the comments, 715 00:33:27.885 --> 00:33:29.073 recommendations also. 716 00:33:29.448 --> 00:33:29.870 And guys, 717 00:33:29.916 --> 00:33:31.026 if you enjoyed the episode, 718 00:33:31.057 --> 00:33:32.057 you can put a rating on. 719 00:33:32.256 --> 00:33:37.406 Apple Podcasts or Spotify and stay tuned on all the socials now, 720 00:33:37.625 --> 00:33:38.586 both YouTube, 721 00:33:38.687 --> 00:33:39.449 Instagram. 722 00:33:39.769 --> 00:33:40.129 Thank you, 723 00:33:40.187 --> 00:33:40.953 Pauline.