WEBVTT 1 00:00:10.917 --> 00:00:17.652 guess what i'm moving country again i don't know maybe a year maybe more where's 2 00:00:17.699 --> 00:00:26.199 home home's everywhere i'm an expat hi it's pauline welcome to a new episode of meet the expats 3 00:00:26.752 --> 00:00:29.054 Today I meet with Dr. 4 00:00:29.275 --> 00:00:29.656 Elephant 5 00:00:30.095 --> 00:00:37.363 Yanni who is a psychologist working with expats and international couples. 6 00:00:37.644 --> 00:00:48.418 So we will be covering the realities of expat life and how it can really take a toll on your effective life and your relationships. 7 00:00:48.590 --> 00:00:49.136 So hi, 8 00:00:49.355 --> 00:00:50.199 how are you today? 9 00:00:51.011 --> 00:00:51.293 Hi, 10 00:00:51.480 --> 00:00:52.855 nice to meet you Pauline, 11 00:00:52.996 --> 00:00:55.074 nice having me on your podcast. 12 00:00:56.172 --> 00:00:57.952 Hi to everybody everywhere. 13 00:00:58.953 --> 00:00:59.992 So yes, 14 00:01:00.213 --> 00:01:03.694 I work with a lot of expats being in Singapore. 15 00:01:04.373 --> 00:01:09.514 People come here from everywhere and mostly to work. 16 00:01:09.858 --> 00:01:10.154 Okay, 17 00:01:10.397 --> 00:01:11.178 mostly to work. 18 00:01:11.678 --> 00:01:19.061 And sometimes there is some friction about the situation because it's not always easy for both partners. 19 00:01:19.279 --> 00:01:19.483 Yeah, 20 00:01:19.733 --> 00:01:20.279 absolutely. 21 00:01:20.404 --> 00:01:21.764 We'll dive into that. 22 00:01:22.217 --> 00:01:22.811 But first, 23 00:01:22.873 --> 00:01:24.795 let's go back a little bit to 24 00:01:25.360 --> 00:01:25.961 yourself. 25 00:01:26.021 --> 00:01:27.442 So you come from Switzerland, 26 00:01:27.602 --> 00:01:30.186 but you're currently living in Singapore. 27 00:01:30.327 --> 00:01:33.026 Can we go back to this big move, 28 00:01:33.147 --> 00:01:33.905 how it happened? 29 00:01:33.952 --> 00:01:35.928 What brought you to Singapore specifically? 30 00:01:37.335 --> 00:01:37.671 In fact, 31 00:01:37.710 --> 00:01:39.733 I didn't begin with Singapore. 32 00:01:40.311 --> 00:01:42.514 My first move was to Canada. 33 00:01:43.655 --> 00:01:47.483 And I spent four years in Canada. 34 00:01:48.296 --> 00:01:49.264 And after that, 35 00:01:49.639 --> 00:01:50.593 I moved to 36 00:01:51.171 --> 00:01:52.561 Korea, Seoul. 37 00:01:53.360 --> 00:01:54.961 and also for four years. 38 00:01:55.703 --> 00:01:56.184 And now 39 00:01:56.543 --> 00:02:01.250 I'm for a lot of more years in Singapore. 40 00:02:02.328 --> 00:02:04.610 And it was very interesting. 41 00:02:04.891 --> 00:02:06.133 All the journeys, 42 00:02:06.336 --> 00:02:09.774 all the discovery was very interesting. 43 00:02:10.493 --> 00:02:11.399 But I have to say, 44 00:02:12.086 --> 00:02:12.602 of course, 45 00:02:12.711 --> 00:02:13.946 I love Singapore a lot. 46 00:02:14.758 --> 00:02:16.024 I love Korea a lot. 47 00:02:16.899 --> 00:02:18.789 I have a lot of affection for Korea. 48 00:02:19.321 --> 00:02:21.789 But Singapore is really a nice place to live. 49 00:02:23.100 --> 00:02:37.911 that's why yeah a bit more international perhaps than yes you know for example when you live in korea it's maybe easier now because from time to time i go back to visit my friends but 50 00:02:38.458 --> 00:02:46.099 at the time where we were living in korea it was very difficult to find western food okay now it's different. 51 00:02:46.208 --> 00:02:46.317 Oh, 52 00:02:46.458 --> 00:02:46.724 right. 53 00:02:47.177 --> 00:02:47.364 Yeah. 54 00:02:47.583 --> 00:02:49.724 But when we arrived in Singapore, 55 00:02:49.833 --> 00:02:50.208 it was 56 00:02:50.452 --> 00:03:05.524 oh my god we can find everything okay japanese food korean food but western food also indian food on top no it was really great it was really uh yeah a 57 00:03:05.586 --> 00:03:19.024 new expansion of uh everything okay korea it was really a a good discovery for me because i was able to go to a buddhist temple have some friend 58 00:03:19.948 --> 00:03:20.730 non-French, 59 00:03:21.089 --> 00:03:22.831 who helped me to discover the 60 00:03:23.171 --> 00:03:24.111 Korean culture. 61 00:03:25.173 --> 00:03:27.396 And I did a lot of meditation there. 62 00:03:27.720 --> 00:03:27.837 So 63 00:03:28.337 --> 00:03:34.306 I had some perfection of my own methodology about meditation, 64 00:03:34.384 --> 00:03:35.907 how I can use it. 65 00:03:36.486 --> 00:03:37.267 But truly, 66 00:03:38.126 --> 00:03:40.189 Singapore is something different. 67 00:03:41.189 --> 00:03:41.454 Really, 68 00:03:41.704 --> 00:03:42.798 it's international. 69 00:03:43.657 --> 00:03:45.751 For everything you want, 70 00:03:45.829 --> 00:03:47.173 you find it in Singapore. 71 00:03:49.116 --> 00:03:49.976 Everything is possible. 72 00:03:50.316 --> 00:03:50.636 Yes, 73 00:03:50.796 --> 00:03:51.316 exactly. 74 00:03:51.556 --> 00:03:57.957 And what drove or motivated all these moves abroad? 75 00:03:59.175 --> 00:04:01.418 I would say first family, 76 00:04:02.121 --> 00:04:02.316 okay? 77 00:04:04.238 --> 00:04:15.488 And also the fact that it was already difficult for me to stay in Switzerland by the fact that it was difficult to work here. 78 00:04:16.512 --> 00:04:21.514 First in the academic and after that on the clinical aspect. 79 00:04:21.854 --> 00:04:22.194 You know, 80 00:04:22.432 --> 00:04:23.475 you have to measure... 81 00:04:23.494 --> 00:04:24.436 As a psychologist? 82 00:04:24.858 --> 00:04:25.154 Yes. 83 00:04:25.334 --> 00:04:25.451 In 84 00:04:25.811 --> 00:04:26.936 Switzerland, it's complicated? 85 00:04:27.373 --> 00:04:27.592 Yeah, 86 00:04:27.912 --> 00:04:37.295 it's very complicated because it's like they try to reserve the therapy market for medical doctors only. 87 00:04:38.201 --> 00:04:41.061 So it will become more and more difficult. 88 00:04:42.014 --> 00:04:44.701 And it was easier for me to work abroad. 89 00:04:45.000 --> 00:04:46.944 as a clinical psychologist. 90 00:04:47.525 --> 00:04:49.669 But even as a researcher, 91 00:04:49.868 --> 00:04:51.032 because when I leave 92 00:04:51.892 --> 00:04:56.403 Switzerland, I was a researcher and teaching at the University of Geneva. 93 00:04:56.942 --> 00:04:58.200 Even on this side, 94 00:04:58.341 --> 00:05:01.552 you still have to move to prove yourself abroad. 95 00:05:02.521 --> 00:05:02.961 In fact, 96 00:05:03.241 --> 00:05:05.724 Singapore got me and now 97 00:05:06.304 --> 00:05:08.167 I'm pleased to be in Singapore. 98 00:05:08.265 --> 00:05:13.913 So sorry for my Swiss friends, 99 00:05:14.030 --> 00:05:15.210 but yeah, 100 00:05:15.413 --> 00:05:16.694 life is good in Singapore. 101 00:05:19.210 --> 00:05:20.085 Less snow for sure. 102 00:05:20.944 --> 00:05:21.132 Yeah, 103 00:05:21.366 --> 00:05:22.038 of course. 104 00:05:22.773 --> 00:05:24.976 The weather is not always great, 105 00:05:25.101 --> 00:05:26.866 but going back to 106 00:05:27.366 --> 00:05:28.788 Switzerland from time to time, 107 00:05:29.054 --> 00:05:29.460 it's fine. 108 00:05:29.726 --> 00:05:29.944 Okay, 109 00:05:30.054 --> 00:05:30.366 great. 110 00:05:30.788 --> 00:05:30.944 Well. 111 00:05:31.140 --> 00:05:34.364 I understand you've had a lot of expat experiences, 112 00:05:35.764 --> 00:05:38.627 which probably explains my next question, 113 00:05:38.709 --> 00:05:40.030 but still I'm going to ask it. 114 00:05:40.506 --> 00:05:47.631 How did you start working with expats specifically or what drove you to that specific case? 115 00:05:50.475 --> 00:05:51.584 When I was in Korea, 116 00:05:52.116 --> 00:05:54.022 I worked at the Jewish community. 117 00:05:55.569 --> 00:05:56.413 And then... 118 00:05:57.912 --> 00:05:58.433 In Korea, 119 00:05:58.673 --> 00:06:01.216 you don't find a psychologist or psychotherapy. 120 00:06:02.276 --> 00:06:09.628 So if you are not an American soldier and you can have a psychologist on the base, 121 00:06:10.846 --> 00:06:12.065 you need to find someone. 122 00:06:12.229 --> 00:06:13.956 And even if you are not Jewish, 123 00:06:14.003 --> 00:06:17.846 I saw a lot of Westerners at the Jewish community. 124 00:06:18.675 --> 00:06:19.690 All kinds of people. 125 00:06:20.409 --> 00:06:21.675 And of course, 126 00:06:22.221 --> 00:06:24.081 some people come alone, 127 00:06:24.112 --> 00:06:26.893 but some people have had some couple trouble. 128 00:06:27.528 --> 00:06:31.872 So I began to work with couples as well, 129 00:06:32.134 --> 00:06:37.376 because I was already working with more individual therapy before. 130 00:06:37.618 --> 00:06:37.735 So, 131 00:06:38.259 --> 00:06:39.423 yeah, 132 00:06:39.438 --> 00:06:40.860 and from the start, 133 00:06:41.141 --> 00:06:41.360 okay, 134 00:06:41.884 --> 00:06:49.774 I see very difficult situation where you have the husband coming for a job. 135 00:06:50.712 --> 00:06:52.806 And at the same time, 136 00:06:53.696 --> 00:06:54.274 you follow, 137 00:06:54.368 --> 00:06:56.681 but you don't have anything to do in this country. 138 00:06:57.232 --> 00:06:58.634 you don't speak the language, 139 00:06:58.993 --> 00:07:00.915 Korean is very difficult to learn, 140 00:07:02.218 --> 00:07:04.398 you don't understand the society. 141 00:07:06.179 --> 00:07:11.327 The situation for foreigners is dualistic in Korea. 142 00:07:11.726 --> 00:07:14.585 At the same time they envy you as a westerner, 143 00:07:15.085 --> 00:07:17.835 but at the same time they hate you as a foreigner. 144 00:07:21.210 --> 00:07:24.101 So why would they hate you in a way? 145 00:07:26.057 --> 00:07:28.178 Because Korea is for Koreans, 146 00:07:28.179 --> 00:07:28.699 K for K, 147 00:07:28.719 --> 00:07:29.619 as they say. 148 00:07:30.760 --> 00:07:33.764 So the Korean society is a very close society. 149 00:07:34.522 --> 00:07:37.248 It's also a very close market for big companies. 150 00:07:37.889 --> 00:07:39.373 They have their own internet. 151 00:07:42.365 --> 00:07:46.490 It's not easy to meet people in Korea. 152 00:07:47.037 --> 00:07:47.819 Whatever you do, 153 00:07:48.037 --> 00:07:49.584 you always stay a foreigner. 154 00:07:49.740 --> 00:07:54.412 And if you want to integrate 155 00:07:56.385 --> 00:07:57.726 It's like you meet a wall. 156 00:07:58.907 --> 00:08:08.620 You have to accept your situation as a foreigner and enjoy the on this side and forget the other side. 157 00:08:09.519 --> 00:08:10.480 Most of the time, 158 00:08:10.917 --> 00:08:12.620 Korean people are nice, 159 00:08:12.964 --> 00:08:14.542 but they are very direct. 160 00:08:15.480 --> 00:08:25.027 So how can couples and specifically partners try to integrate or at least make the most? 161 00:08:28.596 --> 00:08:29.216 of their time there. 162 00:08:29.217 --> 00:08:37.540 I will believe that one of the main way to get out will be to meet other foreigners. 163 00:08:38.118 --> 00:08:46.337 So there is some group and even some Korean try to make some international group, 164 00:08:46.743 --> 00:08:47.024 you know, 165 00:08:47.102 --> 00:08:48.805 like you can meet other people, 166 00:08:49.884 --> 00:08:52.477 even some coffee to learn Korean. 167 00:08:52.899 --> 00:08:53.399 in fact 168 00:08:53.564 --> 00:08:55.707 it's also a way to meet other people. 169 00:08:57.168 --> 00:08:57.570 Of course. 170 00:08:57.629 --> 00:08:58.851 On buses also, 171 00:08:59.211 --> 00:09:04.914 they organize some festivities for national holidays or anything. 172 00:09:05.015 --> 00:09:05.297 Yes. 173 00:09:05.437 --> 00:09:07.093 It's always a way to meet people. 174 00:09:07.320 --> 00:09:09.257 And I must say that for myself, 175 00:09:09.422 --> 00:09:13.547 what mostly worked was my interest for meditation. 176 00:09:14.547 --> 00:09:15.500 Through meditation, 177 00:09:15.562 --> 00:09:21.297 I was able to meet other foreigners who were also interested in meditation. 178 00:09:22.056 --> 00:09:23.778 And to meet also some Korean, 179 00:09:25.679 --> 00:09:26.259 strangely, 180 00:09:26.439 --> 00:09:27.001 a lot of... 181 00:09:27.681 --> 00:09:29.404 Most Koreans don't speak English, 182 00:09:29.603 --> 00:09:31.505 even if they try all their life to learn. 183 00:09:31.927 --> 00:09:32.888 From very young, 184 00:09:33.326 --> 00:09:34.451 I don't know exactly why, 185 00:09:34.529 --> 00:09:36.287 but for them it's very difficult. 186 00:09:36.607 --> 00:09:37.271 As for us, 187 00:09:37.412 --> 00:09:39.005 it's very difficult to learn Korean. 188 00:09:40.021 --> 00:09:42.740 But in the temples, 189 00:09:42.833 --> 00:09:43.833 I met a lot of 190 00:09:44.302 --> 00:09:46.599 Koreans speaking English. 191 00:09:46.974 --> 00:09:51.365 So it was also interesting for me to enter the culture. 192 00:09:51.928 --> 00:09:52.911 better understand. 193 00:09:53.913 --> 00:09:54.856 And you know, 194 00:09:54.915 --> 00:09:55.618 Korean people, 195 00:09:55.657 --> 00:09:57.323 they're very proud of their culture. 196 00:09:57.663 --> 00:09:59.546 So if you show some interest... 197 00:10:00.279 --> 00:10:00.860 Yeah. 198 00:10:01.640 --> 00:10:02.261 They're open, 199 00:10:02.622 --> 00:10:02.843 okay? 200 00:10:03.282 --> 00:10:05.323 And the friends you have in Korea... 201 00:10:05.324 --> 00:10:05.405 Yeah, 202 00:10:05.406 --> 00:10:06.624 they'll be thrilled to share. 203 00:10:06.725 --> 00:10:06.846 Yeah, 204 00:10:06.987 --> 00:10:07.507 exactly. 205 00:10:07.866 --> 00:10:09.386 And the friends you have in Korea, 206 00:10:10.128 --> 00:10:12.112 once they decide to be your friend, 207 00:10:12.448 --> 00:10:13.675 it's friend for life, 208 00:10:14.011 --> 00:10:14.253 you know? 209 00:10:14.792 --> 00:10:15.753 A lot of expats, 210 00:10:15.776 --> 00:10:16.456 they suffer. 211 00:10:16.753 --> 00:10:17.643 They suffer because, 212 00:10:18.003 --> 00:10:18.284 you know, 213 00:10:19.221 --> 00:10:19.971 as an expat, 214 00:10:20.378 --> 00:10:20.971 some of them, 215 00:10:21.284 --> 00:10:25.096 they don't even try to invest in other people. 216 00:10:25.411 --> 00:10:26.152 because they think, 217 00:10:26.212 --> 00:10:26.532 you know, 218 00:10:27.192 --> 00:10:30.015 why would I make some effort in one year? 219 00:10:30.097 --> 00:10:31.796 She will not be here or anything. 220 00:10:31.956 --> 00:10:32.159 Okay. 221 00:10:33.058 --> 00:10:33.339 You know, 222 00:10:33.581 --> 00:10:34.823 expat people move a lot. 223 00:10:35.144 --> 00:10:35.339 Okay. 224 00:10:36.120 --> 00:10:39.308 But in this situation, 225 00:10:39.386 --> 00:10:40.948 you meet real friends. 226 00:10:41.206 --> 00:10:41.409 Okay. 227 00:10:41.753 --> 00:10:44.690 They decide to take responsibility for you. 228 00:10:44.956 --> 00:10:45.831 Okay. 229 00:10:45.925 --> 00:10:48.331 It's the way of doing things, 230 00:10:48.440 --> 00:10:49.269 which is different. 231 00:10:49.987 --> 00:10:51.159 But as an expat, 232 00:10:51.362 --> 00:10:53.284 you can meet a lot of people like this, 233 00:10:53.612 --> 00:10:53.878 you know. 234 00:10:54.499 --> 00:10:55.739 Having some interest, 235 00:10:56.219 --> 00:10:59.598 you share the same interest with other foreigners, 236 00:11:00.258 --> 00:11:05.141 with some native people of the country where you are. 237 00:11:05.485 --> 00:11:06.141 It's true in 238 00:11:06.704 --> 00:11:08.821 Singapore too. 239 00:11:09.024 --> 00:11:11.383 You meet people through your own interest. 240 00:11:11.665 --> 00:11:12.102 Yeah, 241 00:11:12.383 --> 00:11:12.665 okay. 242 00:11:12.946 --> 00:11:13.899 But you have to be active. 243 00:11:14.008 --> 00:11:14.118 Yeah, 244 00:11:14.227 --> 00:11:15.196 so meeting people, 245 00:11:15.368 --> 00:11:16.321 finding those groups. 246 00:11:17.305 --> 00:11:17.790 Of course, 247 00:11:17.946 --> 00:11:18.071 yeah, 248 00:11:18.118 --> 00:11:22.165 you have to be proactive in the interest and in going to. 249 00:11:22.507 --> 00:11:45.293 make them work yeah exactly exactly but i mean once you are moving like this no proactive but in your own interest let's say you have a hobby you want to learn to draw or you want to learn kayak or anything okay go to a group and meet other people and and at the same time you're 250 00:11:45.294 --> 00:11:50.887 not shy because you're not here to meet the other people you're here for your common interest yeah 251 00:11:51.231 --> 00:11:51.574 Okay. 252 00:11:54.001 --> 00:11:56.764 Going back to the effective tools, 253 00:11:56.862 --> 00:12:02.589 we talked a little bit about the loneliness piece and how to overcome that specifically. 254 00:12:04.089 --> 00:12:04.815 You mentioned, 255 00:12:04.854 --> 00:12:09.581 so it's very difficult often for what we call the trailing spouse in a way, 256 00:12:09.643 --> 00:12:13.159 because they have this isolation with no work. 257 00:12:13.800 --> 00:12:17.940 Within the couple specifically on the effective side, 258 00:12:18.050 --> 00:12:21.315 what imbalance or difficulties can this? 259 00:12:22.271 --> 00:12:24.291 How does it manifest itself? 260 00:12:24.492 --> 00:12:24.711 Okay. 261 00:12:25.432 --> 00:12:28.951 There is something for men called the provider complex. 262 00:12:29.393 --> 00:12:29.611 Okay. 263 00:12:29.869 --> 00:12:30.510 So men, 264 00:12:31.791 --> 00:12:35.096 they try to do something for the couple and for the family, 265 00:12:35.877 --> 00:12:36.697 working hard, 266 00:12:37.353 --> 00:12:39.510 earning a lot of income. 267 00:12:39.728 --> 00:12:39.978 Okay. 268 00:12:40.713 --> 00:12:42.432 But the problem doing so, 269 00:12:43.697 --> 00:12:44.760 if they go too far, 270 00:12:45.103 --> 00:12:46.228 they lose their family. 271 00:12:46.713 --> 00:12:49.760 They lose the very reason why they work so hard. 272 00:12:49.994 --> 00:12:51.072 because while the 273 00:12:51.639 --> 00:12:54.439 so often absent from home, 274 00:12:56.279 --> 00:13:01.100 children become foreign for them, 275 00:13:02.061 --> 00:13:02.498 for him. 276 00:13:03.482 --> 00:13:06.404 And he becomes foreign for his own children. 277 00:13:07.264 --> 00:13:09.178 And his wife is bored. 278 00:13:10.381 --> 00:13:12.100 She takes care of the children, 279 00:13:12.318 --> 00:13:16.287 but she has no adults to converse, 280 00:13:16.568 --> 00:13:17.725 to spend some time. 281 00:13:19.391 --> 00:13:21.553 It's a really dangerous situation. 282 00:13:22.514 --> 00:13:24.797 If you don't work on your couple, 283 00:13:25.196 --> 00:13:27.840 your family will be dysfunctional. 284 00:13:28.442 --> 00:13:29.965 To have a functional family, 285 00:13:30.161 --> 00:13:36.090 first you have to have both partners able to stay alone on their two feet, 286 00:13:36.247 --> 00:13:38.809 which means they don't need someone. 287 00:13:39.325 --> 00:13:41.309 But they decide to be a couple. 288 00:13:41.559 --> 00:13:46.590 They decide to be a team and to create a family. 289 00:13:48.383 --> 00:13:52.047 And then the couple has to be functional. 290 00:13:52.528 --> 00:13:55.071 That means you have to exist as a couple, 291 00:13:56.153 --> 00:13:57.832 not only as parents. 292 00:13:58.293 --> 00:13:58.496 Okay. 293 00:13:59.332 --> 00:14:01.832 So that means you have to... 294 00:14:02.215 --> 00:14:04.121 So the relationship between the two on top. 295 00:14:04.122 --> 00:14:04.395 Exactly. 296 00:14:04.864 --> 00:14:07.629 You have to cherish this couple time. 297 00:14:07.957 --> 00:14:08.160 Okay. 298 00:14:08.301 --> 00:14:10.145 Gardening your couple time. 299 00:14:10.457 --> 00:14:10.660 Okay. 300 00:14:11.145 --> 00:14:14.504 So that means not only go out as a family, 301 00:14:14.582 --> 00:14:16.864 but from time to time also go out. 302 00:14:17.075 --> 00:14:20.739 as a couple and find yourself again together. 303 00:14:21.339 --> 00:14:21.558 Okay. 304 00:14:22.140 --> 00:14:24.222 So if you work too much, 305 00:14:24.683 --> 00:14:29.526 you don't have time for your partner and you don't have time for your children. 306 00:14:29.948 --> 00:14:30.151 Okay. 307 00:14:30.729 --> 00:14:31.972 And you're losing them. 308 00:14:32.268 --> 00:14:32.448 Yes. 309 00:14:32.768 --> 00:14:36.589 So you think you have a future for them? 310 00:14:36.854 --> 00:14:36.979 No, 311 00:14:37.229 --> 00:14:38.058 you're losing them. 312 00:14:39.495 --> 00:14:39.683 Okay. 313 00:14:40.979 --> 00:14:42.245 And yeah, 314 00:14:42.636 --> 00:14:44.901 it can work like this for some time. 315 00:14:45.042 --> 00:14:46.026 but after some time 316 00:14:46.199 --> 00:14:52.163 the woman will be so upset that she decides she cannot stand this anymore. 317 00:14:54.628 --> 00:14:55.870 And at the same time, 318 00:14:56.069 --> 00:14:58.653 what kind of model do you give to your children? 319 00:14:58.911 --> 00:15:06.641 Because if both partners are unsatisfied by the situation, 320 00:15:07.602 --> 00:15:08.344 what will happen? 321 00:15:08.844 --> 00:15:10.180 You yell at each other, 322 00:15:10.930 --> 00:15:12.508 you have a lot of resentment, 323 00:15:12.727 --> 00:15:16.836 and it's becoming more and more difficult to find yourself together again. 324 00:15:18.274 --> 00:15:20.571 And there is also the situation that 325 00:15:22.215 --> 00:15:31.427 You can decide just to ignore the problem and be a roommate or flatmate in the same space. 326 00:15:32.122 --> 00:15:37.731 But it's not the future you want for yourself or for your school. 327 00:15:37.732 --> 00:15:38.216 It's not ideal. 328 00:15:39.419 --> 00:15:42.700 So you really have to think about balance. 329 00:15:43.778 --> 00:15:44.091 Yes, 330 00:15:44.169 --> 00:15:46.481 you want to have a good career. 331 00:15:46.637 --> 00:15:46.903 Yes, 332 00:15:46.934 --> 00:15:48.262 you want to earn money. 333 00:15:48.606 --> 00:15:48.856 Yes, 334 00:15:49.497 --> 00:15:49.684 but... 335 00:15:51.840 --> 00:15:52.361 For one, 336 00:15:52.362 --> 00:15:53.483 do you do all of this? 337 00:15:53.484 --> 00:15:55.865 And so do you see it more, 338 00:15:56.705 --> 00:16:09.830 this situation happening more often with expat couples or if they're internationals with different culture because there is this case where there's the work imbalance? 339 00:16:10.565 --> 00:16:10.721 Or, 340 00:16:11.533 --> 00:16:11.799 I mean, 341 00:16:11.846 --> 00:16:14.518 this could be the case even for non-expats, 342 00:16:14.690 --> 00:16:15.830 but I'm just asking, 343 00:16:15.924 --> 00:16:19.580 is there a higher statistic when you are in that expat? 344 00:16:20.003 --> 00:16:20.303 Yes, 345 00:16:21.645 --> 00:16:26.030 it's higher for expats for the good reason that most of the time, 346 00:16:26.389 --> 00:16:31.334 one has a job and the second one tries to find a job. 347 00:16:31.655 --> 00:16:33.014 It's not always a husband. 348 00:16:33.412 --> 00:16:39.944 Sometimes it's a wife who gets a better position abroad. 349 00:16:40.444 --> 00:16:41.990 So they decide to move. 350 00:16:42.584 --> 00:16:43.865 And after some time, 351 00:16:43.912 --> 00:16:44.225 you know, 352 00:16:44.334 --> 00:16:48.131 it's become difficult because she's earning a lot of money. 353 00:16:48.775 --> 00:16:49.376 And okay, 354 00:16:49.496 --> 00:16:52.819 taking care of their kids was not my career plan. 355 00:16:53.338 --> 00:16:53.881 So yes, 356 00:16:53.940 --> 00:16:55.100 I did it for some time, 357 00:16:55.201 --> 00:16:55.721 but now... 358 00:16:56.807 --> 00:16:56.924 Yeah, 359 00:16:56.963 --> 00:16:58.268 that's when the resentment starts. 360 00:16:58.447 --> 00:16:58.908 Yeah, 361 00:16:58.924 --> 00:16:59.127 yeah, 362 00:16:59.244 --> 00:16:59.424 yeah. 363 00:16:59.565 --> 00:17:00.065 And also, 364 00:17:00.205 --> 00:17:08.057 I'm a provider and I feel diminished because I have the situation of taking care of the children. 365 00:17:08.760 --> 00:17:09.916 It's not always true, 366 00:17:10.104 --> 00:17:12.260 but very often, 367 00:17:12.604 --> 00:17:13.338 very often, 368 00:17:13.776 --> 00:17:15.401 you have a rare exception, 369 00:17:15.729 --> 00:17:17.838 but most of the time it's like this. 370 00:17:19.111 --> 00:17:19.231 So, 371 00:17:20.192 --> 00:17:20.853 yeah, 372 00:17:21.014 --> 00:17:22.414 it's quite difficult for expats. 373 00:17:22.415 --> 00:17:22.555 Yeah. 374 00:17:23.194 --> 00:17:29.424 So you talk about finding that balance of work and finding the time both for family and couple. 375 00:17:30.182 --> 00:17:43.862 Are there things maybe before a move or early on in the move that the families or couples can do just to prepare for this potential situation and prevent it? 376 00:17:44.659 --> 00:17:45.112 Okay, 377 00:17:45.113 --> 00:17:47.502 I will say that in Singapore, 378 00:17:47.674 --> 00:17:48.377 there is something 379 00:17:48.915 --> 00:17:55.158 great for family is the fact that it's not difficult to have an helper or a maid home, 380 00:17:55.596 --> 00:17:57.795 taking care of the children and the house. 381 00:17:58.459 --> 00:18:01.576 And it's really cheap to have someone working for you. 382 00:18:02.678 --> 00:18:03.795 So this, 383 00:18:04.154 --> 00:18:09.201 you have to be ready coming to Singapore to hire someone. 384 00:18:10.045 --> 00:18:11.233 And in fact, 385 00:18:11.576 --> 00:18:15.201 you find some Westerners who cannot do it. 386 00:18:16.163 --> 00:18:18.865 because it's not something that I'm used to, 387 00:18:19.547 --> 00:18:20.068 for example, 388 00:18:20.108 --> 00:18:20.748 in Europe. 389 00:18:21.650 --> 00:18:23.611 And they feel like, 390 00:18:23.912 --> 00:18:24.150 oh no, 391 00:18:24.471 --> 00:18:25.635 I'm not a boss. 392 00:18:26.190 --> 00:18:27.752 I cannot hire someone. 393 00:18:28.275 --> 00:18:36.510 I feel like I'm not a privilege that I can hire someone to take care of my kids and home. 394 00:18:37.025 --> 00:18:39.041 So it's like a social complex. 395 00:18:40.025 --> 00:18:41.244 If you hire someone, 396 00:18:41.275 --> 00:18:43.291 that means you go on the other side. 397 00:18:43.416 --> 00:18:44.744 You're not a worker anymore. 398 00:18:45.103 --> 00:18:45.944 you become a boss. 399 00:18:46.285 --> 00:18:46.505 Okay, 400 00:18:46.724 --> 00:18:48.386 the social status. 401 00:18:49.787 --> 00:18:51.170 So for some people it's difficult, 402 00:18:51.291 --> 00:18:51.490 but 403 00:18:52.091 --> 00:18:59.037 I do believe that if you take advantage of this situation that you have in Singapore, 404 00:18:59.459 --> 00:19:02.865 it could help the couple and the family a lot. 405 00:19:03.755 --> 00:19:03.927 Yeah, 406 00:19:04.021 --> 00:19:04.396 for sure. 407 00:19:05.896 --> 00:19:07.271 You find more time, 408 00:19:07.302 --> 00:19:08.005 more balance, 409 00:19:08.021 --> 00:19:11.162 and you're not reduced to the chores of the house. 410 00:19:11.505 --> 00:19:12.146 Exactly, 411 00:19:12.334 --> 00:19:12.834 exactly. 412 00:19:13.193 --> 00:19:14.052 So why not? 413 00:19:14.635 --> 00:19:17.875 Take advantage of this situation you have in Singapore. 414 00:19:18.096 --> 00:19:18.295 Okay? 415 00:19:18.914 --> 00:19:19.598 So yes, 416 00:19:21.035 --> 00:19:22.496 if you have to get prepared, 417 00:19:22.555 --> 00:19:23.399 it's about this. 418 00:19:23.797 --> 00:19:25.117 And also remember, 419 00:19:25.758 --> 00:19:29.360 it's nice to be far away from your own parents. 420 00:19:29.461 --> 00:19:29.735 You know, 421 00:19:30.336 --> 00:19:35.836 we still have some difficulties with our own parents. 422 00:19:36.039 --> 00:19:38.774 So we are happy to be far away. 423 00:19:39.258 --> 00:19:39.555 Okay? 424 00:19:40.180 --> 00:19:44.180 So we don't have the mother-in-law on the back and all the story. 425 00:19:44.715 --> 00:19:46.421 But when you have children, 426 00:19:47.383 --> 00:19:49.873 grandparents can be a good help also. 427 00:19:53.686 --> 00:19:58.092 It also means that you're far from the grandparents and from that help that you would have. 428 00:19:58.451 --> 00:19:58.572 Yeah. 429 00:19:58.873 --> 00:20:01.412 So hiring an helper is good. 430 00:20:01.795 --> 00:20:01.990 Okay. 431 00:20:02.436 --> 00:20:03.779 And truly, 432 00:20:04.295 --> 00:20:09.342 I do believe that this can be an help that you can find when you're in Singapore. 433 00:20:10.818 --> 00:20:11.022 Yes, 434 00:20:11.068 --> 00:20:13.209 you can hire someone in Korea, 435 00:20:13.365 --> 00:20:16.568 but the system is not so easy to hire someone. 436 00:20:17.772 --> 00:20:18.537 And 437 00:20:19.225 --> 00:20:20.209 I would say that... 438 00:20:21.790 --> 00:20:25.271 Not having your family around can be an advantage, 439 00:20:25.609 --> 00:20:25.832 okay? 440 00:20:25.910 --> 00:20:30.554 Because it's like you become a closer team working together, 441 00:20:31.195 --> 00:20:36.953 but you don't have also this possibility of mediation if there is some difficulty between you, 442 00:20:38.351 --> 00:20:38.617 you know? 443 00:20:38.757 --> 00:20:38.867 Oh, 444 00:20:39.007 --> 00:20:39.289 right. 445 00:20:39.679 --> 00:20:47.742 Venting to your mother that your husband is too often absent, 446 00:20:48.117 --> 00:20:48.351 okay? 447 00:20:48.757 --> 00:20:50.023 It's not something you can do. 448 00:20:50.518 --> 00:20:54.081 when you are on the phone and you don't want them to worry about you. 449 00:20:54.362 --> 00:20:58.167 So this is also something you can think about. 450 00:20:58.585 --> 00:20:59.085 So yes. 451 00:20:59.506 --> 00:20:59.624 Yeah, 452 00:20:59.686 --> 00:21:04.210 you don't have that buffer or that support system that you usually have, 453 00:21:04.694 --> 00:21:05.514 mentally at least. 454 00:21:05.631 --> 00:21:06.092 Exactly. 455 00:21:06.827 --> 00:21:12.639 And I would say my advice about this is listen to your good feeling. 456 00:21:13.014 --> 00:21:13.217 Okay? 457 00:21:13.905 --> 00:21:15.436 If you think you need help, 458 00:21:15.936 --> 00:21:19.905 don't wait too long with a lot of resentment. 459 00:21:20.426 --> 00:21:21.367 to build up, 460 00:21:21.747 --> 00:21:22.028 okay? 461 00:21:22.667 --> 00:21:36.558 Go meet someone and open up and if you have a medium it could be much easier for you to just find the way to be together again, 462 00:21:36.980 --> 00:21:37.198 okay? 463 00:21:38.027 --> 00:21:49.652 Because sometimes when you have this wall of resentment something breaks and after it becomes more and more difficult to find yourself together again 464 00:21:50.482 --> 00:21:54.105 So don't wait for a sentiment. 465 00:21:54.605 --> 00:21:56.949 This will be my main advice for couples. 466 00:21:57.988 --> 00:21:58.652 If you think, 467 00:21:59.011 --> 00:21:59.652 if you feel, 468 00:21:59.754 --> 00:22:00.769 but not if you think, 469 00:22:01.011 --> 00:22:05.379 if you feel that you need help, 470 00:22:06.683 --> 00:22:07.683 don't wait too long. 471 00:22:09.168 --> 00:22:13.371 So to recap would be find your interests and meet people, 472 00:22:13.605 --> 00:22:14.261 find friends. 473 00:22:15.694 --> 00:22:17.316 Make time for a couple, 474 00:22:17.456 --> 00:22:17.876 family, 475 00:22:18.476 --> 00:22:19.679 as much as possible, 476 00:22:19.777 --> 00:22:20.699 and get help, 477 00:22:21.281 --> 00:22:22.843 both the support, 478 00:22:24.023 --> 00:22:25.648 the help for house chores, 479 00:22:25.649 --> 00:22:26.202 the children, 480 00:22:26.663 --> 00:22:29.788 but also mental health if you feel that you need it. 481 00:22:29.866 --> 00:22:30.773 Exactly, 482 00:22:30.774 --> 00:22:31.632 exactly. 483 00:22:31.695 --> 00:22:33.616 And I believe that, 484 00:22:34.398 --> 00:22:34.695 yes, 485 00:22:34.913 --> 00:22:36.695 it's more difficult for expats, 486 00:22:38.023 --> 00:22:39.741 but at the same time, 487 00:22:40.695 --> 00:22:43.648 expats belong to the same country, 488 00:22:43.945 --> 00:22:44.945 expat country. 489 00:22:45.811 --> 00:22:49.273 That means expats from all over the world, 490 00:22:49.934 --> 00:22:51.496 they know the same situation. 491 00:22:52.738 --> 00:22:54.039 So strangely, 492 00:22:55.297 --> 00:22:56.680 someone from Australia, 493 00:22:56.938 --> 00:22:58.062 someone from England, 494 00:22:58.141 --> 00:23:04.875 someone from Germany have more in common than two persons living in the same country. 495 00:23:05.250 --> 00:23:05.375 Yeah, 496 00:23:05.984 --> 00:23:09.906 there's that invisible bond that we've gone through the same challenge. 497 00:23:09.953 --> 00:23:10.234 Yes, 498 00:23:10.422 --> 00:23:10.969 exactly. 499 00:23:11.391 --> 00:23:11.516 So, 500 00:23:11.891 --> 00:23:12.438 for example, 501 00:23:12.516 --> 00:23:13.812 if you want to meet people, 502 00:23:14.274 --> 00:23:15.815 Through our common interests, 503 00:23:15.936 --> 00:23:16.837 it's much easier. 504 00:23:17.417 --> 00:23:17.698 You know, 505 00:23:18.317 --> 00:23:23.583 it's like we can be friends much easier just because we are both expats. 506 00:23:24.544 --> 00:23:24.661 Yeah, 507 00:23:24.848 --> 00:23:25.825 because we like the same thing. 508 00:23:26.028 --> 00:23:26.247 Yes, 509 00:23:26.489 --> 00:23:26.708 yes, 510 00:23:26.903 --> 00:23:27.364 exactly. 511 00:23:28.091 --> 00:23:30.958 So this is a particular situation, 512 00:23:31.630 --> 00:23:31.848 but 513 00:23:32.317 --> 00:23:32.614 I mean, 514 00:23:33.520 --> 00:23:34.239 this is great. 515 00:23:34.427 --> 00:23:34.552 OK, 516 00:23:35.583 --> 00:23:38.614 we can learn so much more being expats. 517 00:23:39.442 --> 00:23:43.348 We can learn so much more on our own culture. 518 00:23:44.026 --> 00:23:45.126 own country. 519 00:23:46.467 --> 00:23:47.406 So yes, 520 00:23:48.168 --> 00:23:50.168 being expat is something great. 521 00:23:51.328 --> 00:23:51.809 And you know, 522 00:23:52.270 --> 00:23:53.488 for some of you now, 523 00:23:54.012 --> 00:23:57.770 listen to Pauline and me speaking about being expat, 524 00:23:58.012 --> 00:24:02.113 and you are struggling because you are abroad now, 525 00:24:02.192 --> 00:24:02.582 and you say, 526 00:24:02.832 --> 00:24:03.035 oh, 527 00:24:03.051 --> 00:24:04.207 I should never leave. 528 00:24:05.363 --> 00:24:05.551 Okay. 529 00:24:06.176 --> 00:24:06.613 Remember, 530 00:24:06.957 --> 00:24:08.613 one day when you'll be back home, 531 00:24:09.426 --> 00:24:12.129 You will regret the time you had. 532 00:24:12.930 --> 00:24:16.895 and not taking advantage of the time you have abroad. 533 00:24:18.055 --> 00:24:18.254 Yeah, 534 00:24:18.856 --> 00:24:21.536 dream is always greener somewhere else, 535 00:24:21.739 --> 00:24:21.942 okay? 536 00:24:22.356 --> 00:24:25.200 But being expat is something great. 537 00:24:25.559 --> 00:24:26.684 I should say that, 538 00:24:26.965 --> 00:24:27.286 you know, 539 00:24:27.528 --> 00:24:28.911 here we try to speak about, 540 00:24:29.067 --> 00:24:29.286 oh, 541 00:24:29.332 --> 00:24:31.364 the difficulties of expat situation. 542 00:24:31.864 --> 00:24:32.786 But don't forget, 543 00:24:33.051 --> 00:24:33.317 okay, 544 00:24:33.567 --> 00:24:34.973 it's a coin with two sides. 545 00:24:35.332 --> 00:24:37.911 We have a lot of advantage being expat, 546 00:24:37.989 --> 00:24:38.395 no? 547 00:24:40.594 --> 00:24:42.321 particularly in Singapore. 548 00:24:43.507 --> 00:24:44.290 But okay, 549 00:24:44.291 --> 00:24:46.198 in other countries too. 550 00:24:46.199 --> 00:24:47.081 I will not say it. 551 00:24:48.742 --> 00:24:49.003 Great. 552 00:24:49.742 --> 00:24:49.922 Well, 553 00:24:50.023 --> 00:24:53.564 let's move on to your recommendations in Singapore then. 554 00:24:54.025 --> 00:24:57.306 What would be a bar or cafe, 555 00:24:57.924 --> 00:24:58.447 restaurant? 556 00:24:58.627 --> 00:24:58.767 Yeah, 557 00:24:58.768 --> 00:24:58.908 yeah. 558 00:24:58.909 --> 00:24:59.244 So, 559 00:24:59.408 --> 00:25:01.424 first for Singapore, 560 00:25:01.463 --> 00:25:04.478 I will say not a restaurant because we have a lot, 561 00:25:04.744 --> 00:25:05.681 all kind of food. 562 00:25:06.541 --> 00:25:11.525 But there is something very particular that I love in Singapore is food court. 563 00:25:12.025 --> 00:25:12.213 Okay? 564 00:25:12.775 --> 00:25:15.447 Food court where you can find different kind of food. 565 00:25:15.810 --> 00:25:16.070 You know, 566 00:25:16.170 --> 00:25:16.751 some of them, 567 00:25:16.851 --> 00:25:17.811 they're even on the 568 00:25:18.852 --> 00:25:19.993 Michelin Guide. 569 00:25:20.235 --> 00:25:20.435 Okay, 570 00:25:20.474 --> 00:25:21.774 so they're very good. 571 00:25:21.954 --> 00:25:22.216 Really? 572 00:25:22.356 --> 00:25:22.497 Yeah, 573 00:25:22.595 --> 00:25:22.735 yeah, 574 00:25:22.856 --> 00:25:23.157 truly. 575 00:25:23.337 --> 00:25:23.720 Wow. 576 00:25:24.399 --> 00:25:25.720 But my favorite, 577 00:25:26.063 --> 00:25:26.462 because 578 00:25:26.798 --> 00:25:30.501 I think it's really something you have to try if you come to Singapore, 579 00:25:31.142 --> 00:25:33.993 is the East Coast Lagoon Food Village. 580 00:25:34.415 --> 00:25:34.696 Why? 581 00:25:35.087 --> 00:25:37.946 Because East Coast is really nice, 582 00:25:38.165 --> 00:25:39.774 particularly in the evening. 583 00:25:40.149 --> 00:25:40.399 Okay. 584 00:25:41.181 --> 00:25:45.056 And this is a really nice place to have any kind of food you like. 585 00:25:45.542 --> 00:25:46.764 And as I said before, 586 00:25:46.765 --> 00:25:47.244 in Singapore, 587 00:25:47.245 --> 00:25:48.746 you can find all kinds of food. 588 00:25:49.166 --> 00:25:49.965 And in food court, 589 00:25:50.027 --> 00:25:50.668 generally, 590 00:25:51.469 --> 00:25:52.008 not generally, 591 00:25:52.391 --> 00:25:52.828 always, 592 00:25:53.149 --> 00:25:54.633 you have all kinds of food, 593 00:25:54.914 --> 00:25:55.672 Chinese, 594 00:25:55.750 --> 00:25:56.453 Malaysian, 595 00:25:56.875 --> 00:25:57.391 Indian. 596 00:25:58.235 --> 00:25:59.899 So this is a great place. 597 00:26:01.875 --> 00:26:02.344 Okay, 598 00:26:02.531 --> 00:26:03.516 so next, 599 00:26:04.547 --> 00:26:06.266 I will recommend a bar, 600 00:26:07.047 --> 00:26:09.766 but this is a completely different scene. 601 00:26:10.672 --> 00:26:13.391 And this is called the Atlas Bar, 602 00:26:13.875 --> 00:26:14.453 but not 603 00:26:14.762 --> 00:26:16.203 so much because of the bar, 604 00:26:16.384 --> 00:26:19.527 even if I like the kind of drink you can have there, 605 00:26:20.167 --> 00:26:22.570 but for the architecture of the building. 606 00:26:23.831 --> 00:26:25.652 The architecture of the building, 607 00:26:25.691 --> 00:26:28.574 and it's very singular. 608 00:26:29.355 --> 00:26:29.613 You know, 609 00:26:29.675 --> 00:26:30.581 in Singapore, 610 00:26:30.597 --> 00:26:33.034 we have a lot of interesting architecture, 611 00:26:33.394 --> 00:26:35.909 but this one is Art Deco architecture, 612 00:26:36.409 --> 00:26:37.909 and it's really beautiful. 613 00:26:38.238 --> 00:26:38.972 Outside, 614 00:26:39.066 --> 00:26:39.691 inside, 615 00:26:40.206 --> 00:26:43.691 it's something to see once in a lifetime. 616 00:26:44.298 --> 00:26:46.461 So I will recommend the Atlas Bar. 617 00:26:48.002 --> 00:26:49.144 This is my favorite. 618 00:26:49.582 --> 00:26:49.761 Okay. 619 00:26:50.824 --> 00:26:52.590 When I have friends coming to Singapore, 620 00:26:52.605 --> 00:26:56.949 I take them there because it's something really to see once. 621 00:26:58.113 --> 00:26:59.191 This is special indeed. 622 00:26:59.433 --> 00:26:59.652 Yes, 623 00:26:59.816 --> 00:27:00.035 yes, 624 00:27:00.152 --> 00:27:00.472 truly. 625 00:27:01.410 --> 00:27:04.785 It's really a beautiful building in the 626 00:27:06.254 --> 00:27:07.535 Art Deco style, 627 00:27:07.707 --> 00:27:08.941 but beautiful. 628 00:27:09.035 --> 00:27:09.769 Even in Europe, 629 00:27:09.847 --> 00:27:12.363 I'm not sure we have so beautiful. 630 00:27:13.144 --> 00:27:13.301 Okay. 631 00:27:14.118 --> 00:27:15.100 And the last one, 632 00:27:15.319 --> 00:27:15.840 the café. 633 00:27:16.381 --> 00:27:23.264 So I would recommend the Tiong Bahru Bakery because this is really for expat people. 634 00:27:24.045 --> 00:27:25.646 It's like fusion cooking. 635 00:27:27.053 --> 00:27:30.857 You can have your French pastries with a turmeric latte. 636 00:27:33.951 --> 00:27:35.092 This is perfect. 637 00:27:36.764 --> 00:27:37.842 Absolutely perfect. 638 00:27:38.201 --> 00:27:40.779 And it represents really fusion cooking. 639 00:27:42.639 --> 00:27:43.107 That's it. 640 00:27:43.414 --> 00:28:00.064 full international experience yeah okay great exactly and so last is what is your expat song so expat song again represent a kind of fusion and the song is called fleeting future and 641 00:28:00.111 --> 00:28:12.783 the the musician is akusmi in fact it's a french guy living in london when you see here is a name you don't think french guy but it's his artist name 642 00:28:14.615 --> 00:28:28.685 and the song is fleeting future so so why this choice how does it resonate because it's resonated a lot with my own methodology that i use in psychotherapy you 643 00:28:28.686 --> 00:28:41.638 know i create the 3d human therapy based on affect and affect is a fleeting feeling that you have every 250 milliseconds 644 00:28:42.206 --> 00:28:43.567 So you have an affect, 645 00:28:43.607 --> 00:28:44.548 you have an affect, 646 00:28:44.589 --> 00:28:45.489 you have an affect, 647 00:28:45.550 --> 00:28:46.392 you have an affect. 648 00:28:46.911 --> 00:28:47.310 In fact, 649 00:28:47.493 --> 00:28:49.794 affect is a fabric of your life. 650 00:28:50.075 --> 00:28:51.813 And outside of affect, 651 00:28:51.837 --> 00:28:52.438 you have nothing. 652 00:28:53.040 --> 00:28:57.384 It's really what you feel every 250 milliseconds. 653 00:28:58.103 --> 00:28:58.579 All right. 654 00:28:58.626 --> 00:29:03.563 This is really the fleeting moment. 655 00:29:04.407 --> 00:29:08.188 So when you hear fleeting future, 656 00:29:08.626 --> 00:29:08.907 you know, 657 00:29:09.407 --> 00:29:10.267 it's really this. 658 00:29:11.042 --> 00:29:16.667 What you decide every moment will decide of the next moment. 659 00:29:17.690 --> 00:29:18.710 Impacts the rest. 660 00:29:18.932 --> 00:29:19.448 Exactly. 661 00:29:20.089 --> 00:29:21.792 And in psychotherapy, 662 00:29:21.995 --> 00:29:27.878 when you understand how you function with your feeling space and your thinking space, 663 00:29:29.096 --> 00:29:30.315 and with your two brain, 664 00:29:30.659 --> 00:29:32.581 your good brain and your head brain, 665 00:29:33.190 --> 00:29:36.768 and how you can work again in synergy. 666 00:29:37.914 --> 00:29:41.903 and creating again a bridge between your two spaces, 667 00:29:43.325 --> 00:29:45.489 and be unified again, 668 00:29:46.008 --> 00:29:47.993 not an alien to yourself. 669 00:29:48.235 --> 00:29:48.469 Okay. 670 00:29:48.968 --> 00:29:52.231 and not in internal conflict at all time. 671 00:29:52.832 --> 00:29:54.975 Being able to decide for yourself, 672 00:29:55.092 --> 00:29:56.694 not needing validation. 673 00:29:59.641 --> 00:30:02.803 The whole thing is in this title, 674 00:30:03.223 --> 00:30:04.125 Fitting Futures. 675 00:30:04.286 --> 00:30:04.465 Okay. 676 00:30:06.067 --> 00:30:06.465 All right. 677 00:30:06.848 --> 00:30:07.028 Well, 678 00:30:07.090 --> 00:30:10.629 we'll link it in the comments as well as all your recommendations. 679 00:30:12.153 --> 00:30:12.614 Dr. 680 00:30:12.793 --> 00:30:13.457 Elephant Yanni, 681 00:30:13.614 --> 00:30:15.254 thank you so much for sharing. 682 00:30:15.614 --> 00:30:15.739 Yeah, 683 00:30:15.801 --> 00:30:17.520 I want to add something. 684 00:30:17.957 --> 00:30:26.411 I have a free guide that I can share with everyone because I think that the well-being program 685 00:30:27.004 --> 00:30:28.176 I put in place 686 00:30:28.604 --> 00:30:44.977 could be helpful for a lot of people and it's free so enjoy it and the free guide is called 3d human therapy a user guide to who you are and you can download it from www 687 00:30:45.540 --> 00:30:49.649 psychology experts point online slash 688 00:30:50.212 --> 00:30:58.118 3d form we'll put that in the comments footnotes also okay this little book give you four a tooth 689 00:30:58.344 --> 00:31:13.640 that you can use alone to help yourself and grow and get time after time how you can be psychologically independent and 690 00:31:13.702 --> 00:31:26.367 those tools are the tools i use with my patients and they can be used by everyone and they can do a lot for everyone great well definitely will be added we'll share 691 00:31:27.188 --> 00:31:31.531 And feel free to go and download that guide. 692 00:31:33.453 --> 00:31:33.836 Thank you, 693 00:31:33.914 --> 00:31:34.254 Pauline. 694 00:31:34.597 --> 00:31:37.277 Thank you for sharing your method, 695 00:31:37.379 --> 00:31:49.551 for sharing this guide and all your tips around and the whole explanation behind the frustration and the imbalance that can happen when you are in this expat world and as a couple, 696 00:31:51.629 --> 00:31:53.332 as a couple being expats also, 697 00:31:53.472 --> 00:31:54.519 how difficult it can be. 698 00:31:55.220 --> 00:31:56.641 The fact that you can get out of it, 699 00:31:56.701 --> 00:32:01.485 there are guides and methods to get out of that situation. 700 00:32:01.805 --> 00:32:02.387 Absolutely. 701 00:32:02.746 --> 00:32:04.813 And you don't despair, 702 00:32:05.071 --> 00:32:05.328 okay? 703 00:32:05.914 --> 00:32:06.672 Just think, 704 00:32:08.391 --> 00:32:09.657 what do you love? 705 00:32:10.438 --> 00:32:11.555 What is your interest? 706 00:32:11.789 --> 00:32:12.461 Go for it. 707 00:32:12.696 --> 00:32:15.461 Don't wait for anyone to do it for yourself. 708 00:32:16.024 --> 00:32:16.602 Go for it. 709 00:32:16.914 --> 00:32:19.164 Meet other people through your interest. 710 00:32:19.602 --> 00:32:21.227 And discover yourself by the way. 711 00:32:22.321 --> 00:32:22.524 Yes, 712 00:32:22.743 --> 00:32:23.414 absolutely. 713 00:32:24.240 --> 00:32:24.561 Guys, 714 00:32:24.601 --> 00:32:26.224 I hope you enjoyed the episode. 715 00:32:26.445 --> 00:32:27.204 As usual, 716 00:32:27.386 --> 00:32:28.527 if you enjoyed, 717 00:32:28.546 --> 00:32:31.773 please put a rating on Apple Podcast or Spotify. 718 00:32:32.476 --> 00:32:37.906 You can also support the podcast through Leetee and reach me through Podmatch. 719 00:32:38.148 --> 00:32:40.109 All the updates will be on Instagram.